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Monday Troll: Gashumba to teach how to make money from emoji

Last week, Sheilah Gashumba bragged that she makes $20,000 (about Shs70m) per day. How? Apparently, using her artificial nails to press-press her phone keys or tap-tap laptop keyboard and send emoji about products and services.
How is that possible?
The socialite explained that it’s all because her papa bought her a phone and laptop when she was just eight.
“Nonsense,” said Rajiv. “My papa gave me a bank and apartments and hotels. I even ran Swayz club opposite Post Office but I don’t earn such.”
“Did she forget to place a decimal point after the two in the $20,000?” asked Ronak Madhvani. “I’ve a private plane here and I don’t make that much a week.”
Now Sheilah has decided to boss the brag by setting up a school for teaching people how to make $20,000 a day using emoji.
She says she wants to triple her daily earning by teaching people how to make so much money.

Women run to take French, German lessons

Officials at Ecole Francais and the Goethe-Zentrum Kampala have reported an upsurge in Ugandans registering for French and German languages lessons.
Between Saturday and press time, Ecole Francais said at least 17,000 Ugandans had registered for French beginners classes, while the Goethe institute estimated the numbers at 24,000.
“It’s strange, even stranger that most of them are women,” said a French official.
“We are confused. Whatever is happening? Could everyone be trying to run to Germany? Why so suddenly?” a German official added.
This column is still as confused but from random tips, the explanation is that those registering for the foreign languages do not take chances.
“I wouldn’t want to get someone to interpret for me what my man was chatting up with a vixen simply because they used a foreign language that I can also learn,” a woman told us.

Lokodo wants to take porn to human rights commission
Former ethics and integrity minister Simon Lokodo is not at ease. He turns in bed with the severity of an epileptic attack.
Lokodo’s source of frustration is that the pornography committee that he helped set up at the Ethics ministry is no longer doing much.
“The porn committee was doing nothing but now it is worse than nothing,” Lokodo said according to our reveries. “Porn is human rights abuse and if the committee can’t do better than nothing, at least they should transfer it under the human rights docket otherwise there is too much porn now.”

Disclaimer: This is a parody column

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