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Monday Thoughts: Qualities of a good woman, according to my mother

Recently, I called my mother and hijacked her with two questions.   The first question was about the qualities of a great wife. I could sense her excitement at this question. I guess she thought the Empress was about to be revealed.

She answered;

“Ekisokka mpisa, Kye kisinga obukulu.” You need a woman with character. The kind that performs her duties. Even if she has a maid, she does not leave everything to the maid. She does not mistreat the maid. Because if the maid is the one that cooks, then why discriminate against her. Character is recognising the dignity of every human being.

I told my mother; “but someone can pretend to have mpisa (manners).” She said it was impossible. That you can always see. It is easier to tell someone that is forcing a character.

Secondly; ‘omukazi nga akuzimba.” You need a planner. If you are the one with the money, she must have good ideas for it. And these should be joint plans, plans for both of you. You should build together.

Third thing, she said; ‘omukazi omuyonjo.” She said cleanliness is next to godliness. Omukazi omucaafu oyo nedda.

Fourth thing she said omukyala ayaniriza abantu bonna –a good host or welcoming. She should be lovely to all the people that visit your home.

Finally she said omukyala omulungi. Nti obulingi bwetagisa. Omukazi kale nga atunulikikako. Nga yefaako. Anti obulungi kwefaako.  (A beautiful or presntable woman).

I then asked my mother if she does not she think all these things could be hard to find in one woman. She agreed that indeed it is true. But character is a non-negotiable. I then turned around and disagreed and said, as for me, I will find all these things in one woman.

I asked her the second question. What about the man? Omwami should have what?

She said without a doubt, a man should make money to maintain his family. You must provide for her, look after her. That basic money. If she is not working, she needs to go to the salon, for example. And if she is working, then yes, you can build something together. But do not bring someone’s daughter and make her suffer.

Secondly, she said a man must love his woman. Show her love. Then she will not be in kuwankawanka. She will not be seeking attention elsewhere. But she put a caveat, but also a man should not forget his own people. You see you may love your woman too much and forget that you have relatives.

Finally she said a man should provide leadership in the home. And what makes leaders are great decisions. A man should be decisive. But it does not mean rule your woman. No, give each other some freedom. Sense check each other’s decisions. Omukazi wo alina okuwakanyamu. She must critique some of your decisions. Because you can be wrong. She can kuwabula you. But it does not mean you should always be indecisive as a man.

When I was done with my questions, she turned the guns to me. Kati ssebo olinayo bameka kwoyagala okulondakko?

I told her, mama nga network yo ekutukakutuka… kankusibule… (mum, your network is breaking let me say goodbye).

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