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Satire

Monday troll: Broke Kasingye laments over football job

Uganda Police Political Commissar, Asan Kasingye. PHOTO/FILE/COURTESY

Asan Kasingye is a bag of confusion. After staking Shs1m for each win Police secured in the Uganda Premier League, the AIGP Kasingye, also chairman of police, has since realised that he had only opened a path to his potential inflation.

As soon as the President predicted that Uganda would attain middle income status next year, Kasingye checked the UPL second round fixtures and on realising that his team had many winnable games, he rued his luck.

Kasingye took to Twitter where his clout is felt best to lament how being a football administrator in Uganda was more stressful than supporting Arsenal.

Sources say the AIGP is worried that if he continued paying so much money to the players, he might be left behind by the time the middle income status knocks. “Police players have connived to keep winning because of the bonus and now their chairman might turn to loan sharks to survive.

Kusasira did not post that nonsense
Allegations that presidential advisor Catherine Kusasira turned her social meadia accounts into an ocean of lamentation is just hogwash propaganda typical of lumpen hell-bent on bringing everyone down.

Cathy is big size in every respect and deserves respect. You expect a full presidential advisor who can walk into State House at 3am and gain an audience with the President to be lamenting on social media?

The malicious urchins behind that post even claim that she took a loan while expecting some reward. Why would anyone think such? NRM is rich enough to donate government property to departed cadres and construct new ones for the future.

Cathy did not write that thing. The truth is that she has been busy strategising after advising on Uganda-Rwanda issues. She was in Kigali with Ado but did not take photos with PK because she is camera shy. She returned there with the General but again opted to keep away from the cameras.

You see, she has been that busy. Such social media posts should be expected of Brian White and such other characters that can be abandoned, not Cathy who is ingrained in the system.

Excited travellers stoke fears of pimps at Gatuna
Reports from Katuna border post indicate that several men started seeking clearance to go to Rwanda from the moment the Kigali administration announced the reopening of the borders.

The men are said to be smiling broadly even when they see dust rise after a strong wind and that they are whistling incessantly.
Authorities are said to have been trying to screen the men. Now some officials fear these could be ‘pleasure dealers’ from Kabalagala and Nakulabye out to reopen their businesses that had wilted under the weight of both the border closure and Covid. The borders reopen today.

*Disclaimer: This is a parody column

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