In Uganda, we do not pay debts, we restructure them. ..
Two-faced lifestyle. Social Media, and life in the city did one thing, it made it possible to lead two lives. We could be one thing on social media and go ahead to live a different way. Social media broke us into two personalities. We could be everything and anything we wanted on social. We could be everything and anything we wanted in the city, but then, there is that other side that we kept hidden. The side that we still hide, the side that we hope, one day, the world never finds out.
- Everybody has made it on LinkedIn
We are all playing the same game on LinkedIn, we are all widely accomplished. We are too good, we have to say it, we must document it. We have achieved so much on LinkedIn, that there would be no reason for us to still be job hunting or showcasing our need for a job. Yet, LinkedIn is here to help us maintain that paradox. To maintain the fact; our accomplishments at the end of the day, are just looking for another job as some manager in some corporate world.
The myth that Ugandans are not hardworking, that Ugandans are not well-educated, LinkedIn is there to prove us otherwise. But then, why are we this accomplished and still hungry to broadcast it? Shouldn’t the achievements automatically open the doors? Shouldn’t our walk do the talking?
No, it should. At the end of the day, Danny fresh from the previous employee review that has seen him being placed on special monitoring, will still post: “Young Executive, Acclaimed at Reworking Business Strategies, PDA certified.” What the heavens? Why is everyone certified in something? Why is everyone trying to master something?
- Our slaying lives
Got something to snap? Seen her on Instagram? Seen him on TikTok? Seen the trips? Seen the endless vacations to Maldives? Wait, did you see it again, the bottles popping at Amalgaria Lounge or whatever they name lounges these days? Where is the struggle, who is struggling? “January twaginafuuya’. We are all putting pressure on each other.
Everyone too rich, nobody too broke. We meet in a bar, find one great sponsor of the night, nations gather around his special bottle of liquor and then it is overdrive. One bottle, different photos, different captions, different days. Shanice posts about ‘vibes on vibes at Lies Lounge’, Denny, aka Rich Mizo, posts ‘We wake up rich, work hard, party rich.’
Meanwhile, the sponsor is unaware of the captions. But the sponsor is not really sponsoring. He is on a gig. He has been hired to make movements, drive engagements. But slay we must!
Who cares if we wake up to a broke hangover with the Yaka metre counting in decimals? Nothing is as broke as a broke hangover. There is no clear reminder that you are living a movie. Or do we remind the landlord at the apartments? Our coolest game is to shift from apartment to apartment. In this generation, we do not right our wrongs, we simply reset our double lives. If you were living your double life in Kisaasi, you do a reset and restart in Bulindo. You can start off with a new rolex guy, new boda boda guy. In Uganda, we do not pay debts, we restructure them, we complain against the initial terms.
Yet, we all cannot wait to see within each other’s closets. We cannot wait to jump on the company bus when a colleague has lost a loved one. We cannot wait to confirm if Johnny the Sponsor has decentralised his sponsorship to his roots. We know it will not be so. We know that Johnny, just like u,s is putting up a show. Uganda is a life, it must be lived. In all ways, in twos, in threes, in fours, in fact, in Uganda we do not live one life, we live numerous lives.
- Our network
One day, should technology misbehave in this country, should the private messages go public, gods forbid that day never comes. For then, we shall all realise we were one community all along. The shamba boy and the chauffeur-driven boss shared a plate. Madam Lavingtone and Betty, the maid, are drinking from the same source.
We trust each other no more, we are outdoing ourselves with trips to Wandegeya to confirm connections. But why should we struggle to confirm? Why do we live with things, people, items we do not trust? Or perhaps we know our own networks, our people also know those networks, and we all know that we know about each other’s escapades. We all tried to play clever, now clever is playing us.
Telecom companies can brag about connections, but in this town, we have the biggest connections. We are all one team. We are all sharing. Everyone has a side plug. The side plug also has a main and a side plug. One thing is clear, you are not your side dish’s only side dish! But we act, we hashtag, we avoid STI conversations, but deep down, we all remember that trip to the doctor with a burning sensation.
Oh our double lives! We complain about potholes in the city, but we cannot rid ourselves of the bedbugs at home. We are poor people, incompetent people, only that it is them, not us! It is them who are faking, it is them who are incompetent, it is them who are cheating. We are Ugandans! And our double lives are not sparing us!
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