Sometimes you pity a forensic expert in Uganda. A hair follicle collected at a crime scene in Uganda will probably be linked to a horse in Mexico or a certain Paloma Gonzalez in the heart of Brazil. It’s a tough job I must say. Mind you, the Ugandan girls with Brazilian hair are just a few because they don’t come cheap apparently. Today’s classy woman is assembled and if you doubt it, just help yourself into a chick’s bedroom. It will feel like you have entered a cosmetic workshop. You might see a push up bra hanged safely on the walls and as your feet start enjoying the smoothness of her carpet, a mellow voice will go like, “honey I think I am going to need that.” Dude you are stepping on her eyelashes.
These days, chicks don’t just go out “fwaa”. They probably see how you men panic when exaggerated features pass you by so you can trust them not to take chances. The male specie likes everything in XXXL and anything that can be moulded into that size is bound to please him.
The businessmen are not sleeping and shipping in anything to make these ladies look more attractive. So, if nature was stingy to you and your bum looks discounted, there are people who can ‘tase’(help) the situation.
So guy talk nowadays will revolve around the authenticity of the ‘seating facility’(read butt). We can’t tell anymore. These materials manufacturers are using are that deceptive. These pads align so well with the body, somebody goes from a Judith Heard to Desire Luzinda real quick. Ladies, we are getting a raw deal here. Our money!
I honestly wonder if the pressure to look perfect can be that serious. It’s never that serious. Ladies, why do you do this to us and to yourselves? Why subject us to all this debate about whether what you are carrying behind you is either fake or real? We already have so much to worry about.
As much as the whole beauty concept has been redefined and abused, there are still a couple of people that like some things natural. And if you seek enhancement, you can go ahead but as long as we can recognise you after. The whole “you look familiar” jazz at night can get quite uncomfortable. It’s totally fine to make up but kindly don’t renovate yourself. What happens when you go missing and we can’t identify you because you are looking like some wet cat? You walk around parading your new fake nails alarming the whole town yet no one is really bothered. Keep it simple ladies. It’s never that serious. You can calm yourself and enjoy a special meal prepared by your mother using your bare hands without worrying about shading off your nails.