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The acute angle : Dude, get off the damn mic

Retro microphone on stage in restaurant. Blurred background

The only thing worse than giving Ugandans political power is giving them a microphone. Mbu “hello hello are you there?” Like dude seriously, where could we have gone? We are just right in front of you, waiting for you to surprise us with some sense. But no, dude will go into a “ Dj one-two, one-two testing”. The nerve of some of these people! It’s painful to see 40 minutes out of your lifespan wasted on a chap who is ill-prepared or a person who wants to take-over a function.

People who want to die on mics can kill your mood, I swear. It’s been discovered that people fear public speaking more than they fear death. Shaa, who said? Instead, Ugandans come alive. Dude, will stutter a bit before getting his groove back and spewing all sorts of rubbish into the mic.

The buffaloes will die but boss will go on, thanking God, the visitors, the chefs. Some of us don’t give a damn what you say, we actually won’t look beyond the dapper suit you are wearing. While many of you guys go to these wedding parties for the food and the drinks, some of us come to pick up the pretty bridesmaid. Nothing that the fat man in the suit says will make sense. We come to celebrate so spare us the long speeches.

Go to a kuhingira in Rushere, Kiruhura District, and you can be sure you won’t be attending any give-aways again. Any person who crossed the future bride’s path at one point in time will demand the mic. Hand one of them the mic and it’s like you’ve shot yourself in the foot. If you ever farted in his couch as a child, it will ring fresh in his mind and he will declare it.

They will embarrass you and laugh about it. And out of 1,000 cows that he will spend so many minutes bragging about, he will give you one. One? Really? Now, why the wasted breath? It’s like they have been waiting for that day to celebrate you and embarrass you in equal measure. You can make a lot of sense with few words. Respect people’s time. For once, learn that it’s not always about you.
Politicians are even the worst. They have no regard for occasion. You will find a dude campaigning at a burial with no ounce of shame. It’s too selfish of them. All in all, we can keep speeches short and meaningful. Don’t feel tempted to overtalk and mess up an event. If you feel you are starting to grow in confidence during a speech, ignore that feeling. It’s a trap to lure you into lots of nonsense. Refrain from that feeling or better still, get off the mic already.

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