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Rich Kids of Kampala: Where do they hang out?

To the RKOK, hard work is as good as partying on Sunday…

Living Large: The Rich Kids of Kampala (RKOK) Forget Mbire, forget Bitature, forget Wavamunno, forget every rich man you have ever known in this town. There is a new breed of rich boys and girls running Kampala, aka the Rich Kids of Kampala (RKOK). Unlike their parents, they did not have to start their poultry farm with a sack of feathers, nor did they have to shoot a bullet somewhere in Luweero.

It is not in every place that you will find the rich kids of Kampala. They are as selective as they come. They have never heard of or been to some places. They consider it an achievement when one of them makes a drive around Kamwokya. Please note that they pronounce it as ‘kay-more-chay.’ These rich kids always thought Nansana was a district in Karamoja. They have not experienced the struggles of Bulindo and Buwaate. If they are to compromise, they know a thing or two about Naalya. Thanks to one or two of their former schoolmates.

You will only find the RKOK in Kololo, Muyenga, and occasionally around Bugolobi. Their parents have put up some houses in Bwebajja and Mutundwe, but they do not consider these a big deal. The only other time you will breathe the same air is when you smuggle yourself into Karibuni Lounge. Beyond that, expect to cross paths at Heathrow Airport, or when they are heading out for their summer holidays. The RKOK are now tired of Cape Town and the hustles in Madrid, they are exploring some new experiences in Australia.

When they do hang out, it is not in your everyday restaurant in Kampala. They hate crowds, they are fans of fine dining. Even then, they want a place that can accept their mastercard, their visa, and probably pay from their New York account. And unlike most Ugandan chaps, these rich kids understand the importance of reservations. They will reserve parking, they will reserve a dinner table. They cannot associate themselves with the mediocrity of Kampala.

Their cars

The RKOK despise Subaru drivers. Why would a fully-bearded man subject themselves to the cars of adrenaline junkies? Why would a man pride himself in driving a car whose only reputation is flying into trenches and driving upside down? They take nothing less than a German machine.

Next time you are met with a ‘Parking Full’ board, your car is the cause. These rich kids have never experienced such small problems. When they land in their peppery Range Rover, the guards will rush to make space.

It is these rich kids that made crocs a problem in Kampala. Crocs and socks, the worst combination to ever happen to the Kampala social life. Not for these rich kids, they bought their crocs at Courir in Paris at a meagre €500. The RKOK do not deal in Ugandan shillings, they find it hard computing big figures. They understand pounds, euros and dollars. If their brains do not abandon them, they will make a computation in rands.

The fashion and style

The rich kids of Kampala will always have a 50 by 100 plot on them. Unlike the rich kids of Twitter, the RKOK do not think in terms of bags of cement. They think of Walter Steiger, Jimmy Choo, Givenchy, and maybe ‘Orentes’ to support their local brand.

If you see them walk into a place, it is with a swagger, there is no rush in their steps, no panic. You can tell a lot based on how someone enters a place. These rich kids enter your most revered restaurant as though it is one of those many rooms at their home. They walk in with this lazy money drag. As though they are already bored of the whole affair, as though somebody has had to plead with them to spare a few minutes, as though it is an inconvenience.

If they show up at your praised Kololo restaurant, it is because they missed their 4pm KQ flight since they had planned to have dinner at the Social House in Nairobi. Now, they have no option but to put up with some chicken brunette and confetti Mackay espresso in the dusty streets of Kampala. Do not get me started on their fragrances. The RKOK smell as good as you will ever smell in your entire lifetime. Again, poverty has a scent, money too, has a scent. The RKOK have a scent. It sets them apart from the pretenders to the throne.

Hustle

The RKOK believe they are hustlers. They certainly think they do not get the credit they deserve. To the RKOK, hard work is as good as partying hard on a Sunday evening all the way into Monday morning, blowing some millions (they call it giving back to the community) and then waking up at 11am to have a brunch meeting with a business partner. This business partner is their alumni at University of Manchester and together, they are opening agro-frontiers in Uganda. Later in the day, the RKOK will call up Uncle Aine for some ka loan of Shs200m. Or did, I forget, that would be 40K pounds in their speak.

The RKOK spend their days having business meetings, dinners, lunches, breakfasts. They are trying to keep their average spend for a breakfast within $100. “Mehn, last time I overdrew my Wells Fargo account, so I gotta fly over next week to right up things. But then I have a Kuhingira.”

The RKOK do not understand why people claim there are no opportunities in Uganda. Why would someone be unemployed in this Pearl of Africa? Like, go out and hustle like the RKOK have done.

Currently, the RKOK are putting up a farm project. They recently wore gumboots and spent the day walking through the farm. “Bro, I got too exhausted that day. I put in time, put in money, can you believe when I came back from Singapore, I just worked like crazy. Like Dad told me to go sleep in Naguru, the place was not even furnished. It is a hustle man. Why don’t young Ugandans just work hard?”

The RKOK do not understand why Bobi Wine and his folks would be in a rush to get power. There is a queue, there is a descendants brigade, slow down, and muzeeyi will hand over things at the right time. The RKOK can speed-dial you out of a problem. If you ever get arrested with the RKOK, fear not, just one beep, just one ring, and you will all be out of that predicament. Surely, if this is not hustle, then what is it?

How do you become a RKOK?

Sorry to break your heart my dear Tasha Berry of Ugandan Instagram, you cannot fake your way into the RKOK. You can associate, you can work for them, but you will never penetrate the circles. You cannot even bribe your way in. Where will you start with your corporate job? A complimentary ticket? You whose heart pounces when you see the menu prices? You who cannot even pronounce small small Quesadillas? You who goes into hiding for a month because you spent 200K last night? You who keeps posting every little achievement of yours on TikTok and WhatsApp? The RKOK are silent spenders. They do not even spend. Spending is what the poor do. The rich clear their bills. Now you who last tipped under duress and after stressing the waitress’ lungs out, you cannot jump into the RKOK space.

The RKOK is genetic. You must have grabbed something from the treasured Bihogo cow. Something, at least a liver, an intestine. Beyond that, nothing else can propel you into the RKOK circles. For now, stick to sipping your alcohol and jumping on every new Ruger challenge, problems you no dey finish, so try to enjoy…. That is your life my friend-oh!

To be continued…

Twitter: ortegatalks

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