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Sqoop – Get Uganda entertainment news, celebrity gossip, videos and photosSqoop – Get Uganda entertainment news, celebrity gossip, videos and photos

Ian Ortega

2024 has some Ka-rare speed, get your seat belts

WABULA: Anyway, in the real good news of 2024. I ushered in the year in a suit. But I can assure you, I was under attack from the moment I stepped out. Ugandans, they hate smart people. Ugandans, they hate happy people. I knew in advance the feelings I would solicit.

I am always suspicious of perfect starts. You see, the year started on a Monday. That was all indicators that this year is for work and speed. But from the look of things, the speed part is overriding everything. This year has no brakes. You blink a bit; you wake up when you’ve missed a day.

I thought it was a joke when the Deejay at Samitto who ushered us into the year kept playing in a zigzag style. Little did I know that the man was foretelling 2024.

Because what else would explain starting the year with a topic. First day, nga we see Central versus Western?

When did this madness start?

Apparently, bottles had been pelted at Ray G. Same time last year, it was Big Eye (before he got Masanyalaze).

The problem with Big Eye’s freedom is that he now has a new chain- that of praising the principal wherever he goes. It seems that man is never free indeed. There will always be a boss!

As we were dealing with Ray G issues, we had a Bebe Cool list. The irony is the confidence with which Bebe Cool features on his own list. After all, we also have a common saying; ‘the one who won the elections didn’t swear-in, the one who swore-in isn’t the one in charge…’

That should give you hints on the Bebe Cool list.

As we were beginning to make sense of 2024, comparing all the different prophecies that emerged, a twist to the year. There was another army helicopter falling from the skies.

And the same evening, there was an attempt on Pastor Bujjingo’s life. Mu confusion eyo, we have decided that this year has no brakes. The speed is ku-limit. One must approach it with seat belts.

In other news, yours truly risked and sent out some new year wishes. Then people were replying; ‘Happy new year hubby….’ I had to halt all new year wishes. It was the biggest trap. Because what in the heavens is that kind of declaration. Or again, is it part of the 2024 tricks? I have been reliably informed that the 2024 game is massively different.

You could even be invited to your own wedding. Do not accept any invitations blindly. Men and women are at work in 2024.

For this reason, go check on your SACCO money. If you belong to a SACCO, go verify. Kubanga the stories that emerged from the festive season. Some chaps had entrusted a committee with their ‘nigina’ money.

On the day of the pay-out, it turned out the committee had moved at a 2024 speed. There was no money to be paid out. Again, for the sake of 2024, check everything. Check your mobile money balance at least once a day.

But in other good news, the President announced that a miracle awaited Kampala in the next nine months.

That Kampala will be a new city, new roads, new buildings, no pothole, no chaos, just order within order. I took the President’s words with a grain of salt.

First, because I know the promises my grandfathers always made to me. At that age, you can’t trust all a man’s words. Because you can’t make the difference between those words: fact, dream, memory, or even illusion.

But worse was the choice of nine months. Because only a pregnancy matures in nine months. Did the Pulezidenti imagine some kind of rebirth? That Kampala was heavily pregnant with a new city? Once I combined these two things, then I added on some ka-beer, I was like Pulezidenti Hapana. I know 2024 is speedy, naye I could not fall for this ka-one.

Anyway, in the real good news of 2024. I ushered in the year in a suit. But I can assure you, I was under attack from the moment I stepped out. Ugandans, they hate smart people. Ugandans, they hate happy people. I knew in advance the feelings I would solicit. As I walked by the dusty streets, some couple said; ‘Some people bakyisusa… kati we do what?’ What crime had I committed?

The only people that bought into my style were my nieces. But that was after we had a prolonged debate. They thought I was from a wedding or was headed for some serious date. No people.

The way you enter the year says much about how you will run that year. Yours truly is running this year in suits.

But above all, my mother always told me; “in life, try to dress and look like your dreams, not your problems.” In the end the suit won, but not without cost.

Once we entered Samitto, the waiters and waitresses automatically assumed I was the sponsor. But yes, the Suit ushered in 2024.

In the spirit of the 2024 speed, with permission from the beautiful Boss Baby (the beautiful editor of this column), my bu-suit photos are up for sale… Not the writer, but the bu-photos…

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