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Semyekozos & business ideas for greedy peeps

In a live Facebook video last week, Eddy Kenzo broke down in tears as he demanded an apology from Sheikh Muzaata. PHOTO BY ABUBAKER LUBOWA

Stop confusing us. Love nigg*s/semyekozos are commitment phobes who think the world rotates around then, well until they realise that it actually doesn’t. Unfortunately, there are those who will never realise that it doesn’t and even when they die, they will leave instructions to invite the President to their midnight funeral.

I watched Kenzo on NTV Mwasuze Mutya the last week telling all and sundry that love nigg*s/semyekozos are men who have hustled and made a living and can afford to treat the ladies in their lives to a perfect balance of love and cash. We understand he was trying to turn around what was meant for bad or ridicule to work for him but no, we refuse to be confused. Not even if he was speaking ‘hinglish’ which left some impressionable people exclaiming, “Eh bambi he can actually speak English”. But we, the Association of Hired Haters shall not be moved.  We maintain our definition of Semyekozo as is.  I don’t even remember what the definition is but I refuse to agree with anything Kenzo says because it is more interesting to disagree with him than to agree.

Now onto more important matters of how to get rich fast in 2019/2020. Dear children take a seat, and let me tell you how to make your dreams come true fast.

Whoever said you have to hustle for years before you can arrive, lied. They did not know what they were talking about.

So as you have heard by now, Full Figure, a once fire-spitting member of People Power has crossed battle lines to the yellow money team. I don’t blame her, in fact, I am impressed. What better way to plan your future than to create an aura of support for one camp then turn around and support their opponents? I swear she must have read this tactic in that famous book called 48- Laws of Power or The Art of War. I think there is a Luganda version somewhere. The key here is to start out by giving very vocal unwaning illogical support to the ‘lesser’ party and then when you have made a name for yourself enough to get the attention of your actual party of interest, you make the switch. This increases your bargaining power. Who knows, the First Family might even adopt you as one of their own, never mind that your physical stature and choice of clothes still reeks of ghetto street corners and goat head bikomandos.

As you embark on this important investment venture, make sure to study which people to use wisely. For instance, there will be the tricky question of whether to choose the old colonel Kizza Besigye or to go with the young and fresh ghetto buoy Bobi Wine.

According to the political meteorological department, it is not profitable to choose the colonel this month. All you might get is a giant hose pipe spraying unholy amounts of water down your crooked throat.  So unless you are looking for a communal shower, you might want to look at other options.

Those who chose to use Bobi have reaped much in this nsenene season. I can’t say for sure how long this luck will last so invest here as much as you can right now before another more alluring person of interest shows up.

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