Connect
To Top

Kalumba

1.Ugandans can be such weirdoes! You find a ka chick’s relationship status on Facebook reading mbu, “complicated!” Complicated how? When has not having a boyfriend for five years despite sleeping with 25 dudes in those five years been “complicated?” Shouldn’t the status read, “anything goes so long as you have money?”

2. A chick is called Betty Tushabe but her Facebook name is  “Bootylicious Betty!” What’s wrong with us Ugandans? Are we that depressed?

3. On Bebe Cool’s Facebook page,  under the section of languages known mbu he knows “English, Swahili, Luganda and Patois!” Honestly, why lie? Bebe Cool speaks Patois? Is …Bulyomu awujje kasepiiki ke, Patois?

4. Gen Mega Dee’s Facebook page has the following message on his wall: “Those who quit never win and those who persist always win!” Hehehehehehehehe …poor chap! Shouldn’t it read as follows: “Those who know when to quit, always win?”

5. This is no joke: Ronald Mayinja has a Facebook account! Please refrain from laughing.

6. Kato Lubwama too has a Facebook account! Hehehehehe… oh…please don’t laugh!

7. Kizza Besigye’s Facebook page under the “works at” status, reads: “Why do you want to know stalker!” I had always suspected that there was something not right about our brother Besigye!

8. The artiste Phina Mugerwa aka Phina Masanyalaze aka Uganda’s Shakira, on her Facebook page under the “schools gone to” status has: “went to Springfield College Kandy!” Really? So is this spring … whatever found at Nakulabye oba in “outside countries?” Mbu Springfield College Kandy! When did a school name sound like a type of ice-cream? Kyoka abafele!

9. Straka “Baibe” boasts of 2,279 friends on her Facebook page! And all those friends can’t tell her to lose the crazy hair colourings and styles that make her look like some Teletubby high on Waragi? Straka ditch those friends!

10. Rabadaba posted on his Facebook wall: “How does one rise up and fly again!?” It was posted in November 2011 … to date no one has replied to it apart from Mama Fiina who encouraged him to visit her for “services”! Life can be hard, not so Raba?

Leave a comment

More in Columnists

  • The pressure to keep up appearances

      FAKE LIVES: Check yourself and look around you…how many people can you count to be living beyond their means? Why...

    Ian OrtegaSeptember 18, 2020
  • Too many useful idiots among us

    In case you have not yet looked it up, Wikipedia says useful idiot is a derogatory term for a person perceived...

    Janat NapioSeptember 18, 2020
  • The Ugandan Opposition politician rule book

    DIRTY GAMES: The political season is upon us and as you may have already seen, the games have started. To be...

    Ian OrtegaSeptember 4, 2020
  • Let Chadwick rest, work on yourself

    Three weeks ago, I watched 42, a film about Jackie Robinson, the first Black American to play major league basketball at...

    Janat NapioSeptember 4, 2020
  • Man, Abayaaye no longer feel the pain

    Remember Mubiru from last week? The guy who escaped through the window when police raided the Kiwatule party place as Kansiime,...

    sqoopadminSeptember 4, 2020
  • Are we raising an entitled generation?

    PARENTING: Have you ever visited a home and a child says or does something that has you dropping your jaw? Well,...

    Ian OrtegaAugust 28, 2020
  • How about we use art to teach some

    Alexander Hamilton is one of the founding fathers of the United States of America. Wikipedia says he was statesman, politician, legal...

    Serestino TusingwireAugust 28, 2020
  • Next presidential address does not look good

    The Uganda police for once last Sunday acted swiftly in arresting seven partiers in a Kiwatule apartment. Some managed to flee...

    sqoopadminAugust 28, 2020
  • Ebuka and his pocketful of hands

          Chukwuebuka Obi-Uchendu is that man in Nigeria who wears nice but sometimes confusing clothes and shows up on...

    Janat NapioAugust 22, 2020