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Why it is difficult to move on after a heartbreak

Rema Namakula called it quits and introduced her new lover, Hamza Sebunya to her family, two weeks ago . NET Photos

“Rema Namakula and her ex-fiance, Edirisa Musuuza, alias Eddy Kenzo, both Ugandan popular artistes, have made news for two weeks now. Reason?

Their five-year relationship came to an end, when Namakula introduced her new lover, Hamza Ssebunya, two weeks ago.

Interestingly, each day that passes by, new twists keep unfolding, a thing that has kept the public glued and waiting for fresh twists to unfold.

A lot has been said, thousands of comments and posts have made rounds on social media and even mainstream media. But one thing is for sure: it appears Kenzo is finding it difficult to move on after the heartbreak.

In one of the Facebook Live videos on Tuesday this week, Kenzo was seen crying and revealing details about the relationship.

When a relationship is over, feelings of rejection, resentment, regret can wreck one’s self -esteem. The heartbreak causes confusion, some slide into depression and others resort to committing suicide, if they are not counselled. Others vow never to fall in love again. Yet on the other hand, some will give it time depending on how they are hurting.

Getting out of a relationship you have treasured for years is seemingly easy but healing after the heartbreak is a gradual and difficult process.
Thinking about someone you once shared a bed with, meals, jokes, good moments and many memories together, after throwing in the towel is no mean feat.

It dawns on you that your one and only is gone. All that is left are memories and you slip into a state of regrets and contemplation.

Past memories

Catherina Natukuda, a marriage counsellor at Joy Medical Centre, Ndebba, says at times moving on is difficult because of the memories and good times the couple shared.

“People start to think about the favourite hangouts they used to have fun at, walking the streets holding each other’s hand, watching movies, going for comedy and buying everything you think will look good on them. All these memories come alive and you cannot forget about them in a month or two.”

Failing to start afresh

Sophie Gombya, a marriage counsellor, says there is no time limit for healing a broken heart. “The time people spent in a relationship, the memories and experiences shared and if there are children in the picture, all this cannot be easily forgotten by the couple,” says Gombya.

Gombya adds: “Starting afresh is hard. Even when the wounds heal, the scars remain. Different people treat their partners differently. In a relationship, there are some unique things couples do for each other that no else can do. Such things prevent many from moving on and if they do, they will want the new partner to do things the same way the other person was doing them.

Denis Kyambadde, a psychologist at Kitebi Health Centre, says most people lose focus and start blaming and revealing negative things about each other.

One of the greatest worries a brokenhearted person encounters is whether they will find someone as good as their ex-lover.

Same social circles

Ali  Male, a counsellor, says the longer a couple stays together, they obtain mutual friends. “Having mutual friends is not a problem but when two lovers break up, friends keep one informed about everything that is happening in the other person’s life. And this makes the healing process even harder. ”
According to Kyambadde, after a breakup, many do not think straight because they are trying to find the reason why the relationship never worked out. Such reactions develop into feelings of guilt and regret and many end up blaming themselves for ruining the relationship.

Caution

Gombya says: “People react to heartbreaks differently. Some people find it hard and others do not. Any stress that is not attended to during this moment is most likely to result into depression.

Moving on
Avoid being sentimental and throw away anything that reminds you of the past. This will help you to overcome some memories.

Meet new people and make new friends, this will give you an opportunity to find a better person, thus forgetting about your ex. In case your current workplace or neighbourhood reminds you a lot of your failed relationship, it is better to move to a new place.

Learn from experience so you would not have to go through the same in the future.

Be patient with the healing process because a broken heart does not heal in a day. However, accepting that you are in pain is the first step to healing.

It might not be easy but, if your ex has moved on and found a new love, then just be happy for him or her.

Take on something new. Find a new hobby. Do something that is different from everyone else. Travel. Explore. Meet new people. Along the way you might even find that person that can heal you.

Do not isolate yourself from the world. Spend as much time as you can around people who truly love you and care about your happiness and wellbeing.

Shake off your frustrations and be ambitious. Strive to be perfect
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