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How to be the cryptic Faridah Nakazibwe

NTV news anchor Faridah Nakazibwe

GIRL DRAMA: Did you miss the drama that was served to us by Faridah Nakazibwe and Justine Nameere on social media? Well, having fallen on Fools Day, it was no Fools Day stunt. These two women ‘ate’ up our bundles and almost 99.9 per cent of social media seemed to be #TeamFaridah. Why?

Don’t we all love cat fights? They are mad entertaining. When women fight, weaves talk, heels scrape the floor, skirts fly at half mast and a bunch of mscheews pollute the air. It is always a messy affair but an entertaining one at least. It is the only time women do not care about looking cute. They will tear into each other for the sake of nobody really, not even the man they are fighting for. The men will keep a distance throughout, sometimes not even showing up at all. Bloody cowards, those ones! Cat fights in the parking lot are the ones people would pay to watch.We all want to see the side chick’s jaws kiss the tiles, don’t we?
So anyway, NTV’s Mwasuze Mutya presenter Faridah Nakazibwe and her nemesis Justine Nameere decided to go for each other’s throats on Facebook earlier this week. Faridah accused Justine of doing everything possible to fail her marriage, career and life, for the last many years. And just like that, our focus turned from Jesus’ resurrection to a surprise cat fight between two news anchors on social media. That is Uganda for you, things switch up real quick.
To imagine that the often reserved Nakazibwe could come out on social media to hang someone’s dirty linen on social media was surprising in itself. For long, Faridah has perfected the calm ‘girl next door’ persona which warms our hearts every morning on her Mwasuze Mutya show. It was unusual of her to rant. But in respect of every woman that has ever fought over a man, I believe we deserved a ‘battle of the weaves’ cat fight, somewhere in the NTV parking lot with a dozen marabou storks and a certain Frank Walusimbi cheering on. I think this was only fair considering some idlers like myself live for anything scandalous. Anyway, you wanna be like Faridah, here are some expert tips.

Mwasuze Mutya….
This is the calm before the storm. Faridah Nakazibwe handles herself quite well on Mwasuze Mutya and makes her guests feel very comfortable. She makes Luganda sound very diplomatic and speaks in whispers like she was worried of the neighbours or something. It is a struggle to hear what she says so you gotta turn your TV volume up to maximum. I guess these are the notes she picked from a certain Ssenga’s class.
Becoming like Nakazibwe would require some of you ladies to tone down your hormones for a bit. You cannot project your voice anyhow as if you are a taxi tout and jump all over the place like a gymnast. That is not how ladies act, especially Nakazibwe. At least do not do this publicly. You cannot also be seen to fight another woman at your muzigo or anywhere lest you lose muzigo bragging rights, your fake hair and your tenancy privileges. Take the fight online, this way you will have your dirty linen out there for the public to know rather than have your linen blouse soiled in dirt. You look bad either way but someone gotta do something, right?

Keep them guessing
Nakazibwe has always been in the news for her ‘questionable’ relationship choices as if it is anyone’s business. She is a single mother of two girls that was infamously involved in a relationship with NRM stalwart Moses Kigongo before getting married to a one Omar somebody.
To many, she is the most privately public person around. Does that make sense? You feel you know a lot about her yet you know extremely nothing. She has consistently given us those vibes for years. Maybe it is this pronounced mystery, for lack of a better word, that invites the wolves to play.
You wanna be like Nakazibwe and get all the predators camping in your yard, give them something to gossip about for weeks — something they are not sure about. Look like the most single-looking married woman around. Be like an unclaimed bag at a taxi park or a kaveera abandoned in the middle of a road. No wonder the Nameeres of this world felt tempted.

Expose the stalker
It must be irritating to have someone trail you and make your life a living hell. Nakazibwe claims Justine Nameere has been bothering her man for a while now, allegations Justine denies vehemently.
To be like Nakazibwe, first be sure the man claims you. Some of you ladies are busy claiming chaps who still save you in their phone as “Guvnor chic”.Secondly, seek help but be smarter than making a post no one will care about eventually. Go to the damn police.
Well there you have it, go be like Faridah Nakazibwe Ssali.

Twitter: @InK_era35

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