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How to be…the frustrated Coach Micho


To be like Coach Micho, you have to make history but do not become history. Photo by Eddie Chicco

#PAYMICHO. He recently took to Twitter to rant about not being paid. Of course, his expressions coming just after the Uganda Cranes had qualified for Afcon 2017, Coach Micho got our attention and sympathy. But how many people can stand up and embarrass their employers? How many of you can get a trending hashtag if you went crying on Twitter? Ian Ford Nkera guides on how to pull off a Micho.

Last week, we woke up to Uganda Cranes coach Micho venting out on Twitter about how he had gone many months without pay. Obviously, after the Uganda Cranes had pulled off that historic Afcon 2017 qualification, the timing for him was right. He could afford to say anything and have every Ugandan sympathise with him. The guy was advised well, I must say.

The usually reserved Micho ranted for hours, accusing Fufa of failed promises to clear his arrears. Hmmm, as if any of this would shock us. It was quite evident that a pissed off Serbian is not one to joke with. A trending topic with the hashtag PayMicho was even started on Twitter to twist Fufa’s arm into paying him. This got me thinking, how many of us would go out on social media to attack our employers for delayed salaries? Many of us wouldn’t even dream about it.

Guys like threatening to quit their jobs in bars only to return to their dusty cubicles at work the day after. All talk just. We need more bold people like Micho. So to be like Micho, here are a few tips:

Achieve something before you go public
Before Cranes qualified for Afcon in Gabon, the dude was always quiet about anything to do with salary. Partly, because he earns a crazy Shs40m per month which you cannot easily justify to anyone and also because the Uganda Cranes had sucked on pitch for a while.

I am sure he had complained but kept the whole thing secret to avoid public scorn. When Uganda qualified, it is as if he had just remembered all his woes. If you are going to make noise, you had better be one of those chaps who like to make others look bad by turning up to work at 6am.

You cannot be messing up all your damn life and go public about unpaid salo. Your bosses will cut you off fast. Deliver results that everyone can see. Now some chap will go impregnate the secretary. Sebo, we do not mean results from a pregnancy test. Do not be that guy who always flanks exams and asks for a remark. Your teachers will laugh at you.

Make history
The Serbian finally took us to the Promised Land after 38 years. Yes, after 38 painful long years. It is okay if he goes all melodramatic about salary. Those Fufa chaps will have to cough that money, no excuses this time round. Even if Micho chose to strip naked in protest, I am sure we would even fan him. This guy has made us proud Ugandans.

To be like Micho, you will have to supercede anything done by anyone around here. Do something that will make your name ring loud in people’s memories. Please make history but do not become history. Chaps are not shy to live large on loans. They be around confusing chicks with borrowed cars and empty promises of an expensive lifestyle.

History will be made when unclaimed children are being dropped at your doorstep and your footage of loan sharks tormenting you will be going around. Do not be that guy. You can be the guy who dates a high-flying socialite with no job or income. Those are the kinds of achievements that should make it to your CV. That is history right there.

Cry out or else…….
I sympathise with you if you are scared of your boss and would rather die than let your frustrations be heard. Do not be fooled. That fiery character is meant to distract you from the main issues.
Do not allow to live miserably without being paid just because some overpaid idiot is taking you for granted. Unless the reasons for delayed payment have been told to you, it is time to act accordingly.
Walk into that office with full confidence and assure the guy. Be civil, please. I know chaps who will storm the office, carry the chap out of his chair and drag him to police. Okay, no one can do this but they can probably make a mess of themselves and end up losing their jobs too. Do not kill the guy abeg!
There you have it. Go be like Milutin Sredojevic

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.
Twitter: @spoiltbrat88

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