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How to be the loyal Ingrid Turinawe


FDC tough lady. You won’t miss to see her at any FDC rally or anywhere with Kizza Besigye. Ingrid Turinawe has made a mark as one iron lady fighting for her party and her president. Ian Ford Nkera guides you on how to be like the once police-groped, aggressive and yet loyal FDC woman.

Here is the thing. You don’t find many out there like Ingrid Turinawe. She is certainly not your girl next door or anything like those fake Instagram models whose entire life depends on the mercy of filters. The scent of trouble gets her hooked. She wears tear gas for cologne almost every day of her life and even comfortably flies business class behind those police cabins. This is no life of an ordinary girl, as your ordinary girl would fancy a romantic evening in her lover’s arms.Ingrid’s evening is normally an unplanned date with a bunch of thirsty cops somewhere in this dusty city. They fondle her entire being, ripping into her boobs and basically craving a taste of her DNA. They follow her like orphaned puppies everywhere begging for some but we all know where her heart is. She has sworn her undying love to former FDC Presidential candidate Kiiza Besigye, who is currently on remand at Luzira Prison.

Ingrid is loyal and unapologetic. Anyone against the FDC or Besigye won’t be spared her venom. To be like the cantankerous FDC Women’s League chairperson Ingrid Turinawe, check out my guide:


Embrace tough love
I am not too sure Kampala-bred children can relate with this kind of love. They are just not used to it. They update their Instagram profiles more than they update their CVs. They don’t care. You will find a chap despising a 500k per month job yet he is unemployed. They will live Sudhir’s life when they earn a Red Banton-like salary. Those are our children these days. Unreal standards for sure.

I would like to believe Ingrid Turinawe is one of those people who were brought up on fresh legumes and cassava tubers in the remortest of areas. The kind to have been fed on slaps while children in Kampala were fed on cornflakes. It explains the thick skin and that ‘in-your face’ attitude.
Guys, to be like Ingrid, take the beating life hands you to the chin. Move into your new house with only your mattress, other things will follow. People these days want their houses with WiFi before they can move in. Be real guys.
It is okay not to have much, to be turned away. Ingrid Turinawe always finds a way to come back like some ninja.


Be very cantankerous and unagreeable
If the whole world ever decided to head East, Ingrid would head South. It is not just her job description to defy, it is more like her birthright, a commandment written in stone for her to live by. When police approach her peacefully, she turns away, hurling some profanities at them. It reminds me of these chicks who think the world revolves around them and will use every chance to shoot down any guy that dare approaches them.

Not every guy who says ‘hi’ wants to bed you by the way, be humble, sometimes we just want to talk (wink). Before you insult some guy, have you checked the time on your biological clock? Is it thirty minutes past menopause? Don’t make noise for us.
To be like Ingrid, counter every action with a reaction, a negative one for that matter. Where there is peace, disturb it. Be the person who will walk into their ex’s wedding and cause an embarrassing stir. Get drunk and spew your ex’s secrets. Make your life a theatre of sorts.

Be loyal

Ingrid Turinawe has been loyal to the FDC, but most importantly to their former president Col. (rtd) Kiiza Besigye. She almost got her body disfigured during those infamous walk-to-work protests by the touchy cops.
To think that they almost made off with a boob, says a lot about the resolve of Ingrid Turinawe. She has stuck to the sinking ship of FDC, even more their captain, Dr Besigye. Even after many lost elections, her determination to see the NRM leave power hasn’t faded. She remains a very influential figure-head in FDC politics and very loyal to the cause.

To be like Ingrid, you must know one or two things about loyalty. Chicks these days will leave a guy because he failed to renew DSTV subscription. Really? The nerve, ladies! Chicks are leaving chaps for the flimsiest reasons. What happened to “For Better or For Worse”? Try being loyal or at least pretend to.
There you have it. Go ahead and be like Ingrid Turinawe.

DISCLAIMER: This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.
Twitter: @spoiltbrat88

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