The National Unity Platform finally dropped the bombshell. The long-awaited list of parliamentary candidates is out, and honestly, it gave us those UNEB results vibes only this time you are an adult betting on your political future, after already making budgets of how life is going to change once that “Hon.” prefix lands on your name.
You could almost hear the collective sound of calculators crashing across Kampala. People had already apportioned their salaries to buy land in Mukono, import a Mark X, and start building their mall in Kiwatule only for the NUP EC to say, my friend, hold my beer. The list dropped with some expected names, some shocks, and a few wild cards that had Twitter asking, Banange, how? But one of the highlights, ladies and gentlemen is the people’s champion, the lyrical warrior himself, Sir Mathias Walukagga.
Seeing his name on the list felt like discovering Gucci Mane on a rap roster you thought was reserved for Eminem. His journey is phenomenal, and if he takes this energy into parliament, then debates will be more entertaining than TV gossip shows. Of course, not everyone was smiling. There were tears, insults, and dramatic wardrobe choices red berets worn backwards, gumboots in offices, even dashiki sightings in 2025. Some people gave their all for the ticket but walked away empty-handed. To them, I say, do not give up. Rewrite your script, polish that ground game, and maybe next time you will land your big break.
Meanwhile, Bobi Wine and the NUP team graciously did more than just anoint their candidates; they also bestowed upon us their manifesto. And I must confess, on a purely aesthetic level, they ate. Arguably the most pristine, Instagram-ready manifesto we have been privileged to behold. Inside this glossy tome lies an 11-point fantasy, sorry, plan, pledging to conjure 10 million jobs from the ether, finally bestowing upon our children the inalienable human right to beans and posho, and building a tech utopia while miraculously restoring all the democratic norms we have dearly missed.
Of course, we Ugandans famously have an allergy to lengthy text. Thankfully, the design is so explosively colourful it could hold the attention of a TikTok-addled squirrel. So, congratulations to all the flagbearers on their stunning visual presentation. And to those already weeping in a corner? Dry your tears. The circus is just warming up for 2026.
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