Connect
To Top

Open letter to the Rev. Ntagali from a recovering musegu

Those crying mbu you broke their hearts, have the most wretched skeletons.

Retired Archbishop Stanley Ntagali

Dear most reverend sir, what happened to you is not uncommon. It has happened to a zillion skillion men and women of the cloth. Even to me, it happened (is happening, happens, could happen). It just wasn’t with a married woman, I wasn’t a former archbishop and I haven’t been caught, yet. So you are not alone. I am in no way trying to trivialise your dilemma but only trying to give your perspective. Another point of comfort could be that by the time you read this, the court of public opinion will have moved onto the next randomly ridiculous news to grace these streets.

So you see, it is not as bad as you think it is, at least the part where society mocks you. The harder part though will be try to make it right with your immediate family. Don’t beat yourself up about holier-than thou parishioners. Those same people crying mbu you have broken their hearts mbu how can a whole holy person kwegadanga like mere mortals do, those same people have the most wretched skeletons in their closets, skeletons that would make yours seem like an African barbie doll. So abeg, apologise to them, because you are a leader but after that, move on. Run away if you must. I know someone who does really good makeup and can alter your look. That way you can live among us with a changed identity until you are ready to come out of the closet.

I am sure by now you have asked our good and gracious Lord to forgive you like a thousand times and if any of the things you have preached and believed all these years mean anything to you, you know He has forgiven you. That time underground will be to forgive yourself. Feel free to take someone with you for support and also to act as your suicide watcher. I suggest it be a very unattractive middle aged man with smelly armpits lest present demons show up to tempt you again. I know right now you think you can never ever get tempted to touch again, but truth is even after falling, you still remain human, you will still end up entangled, all it takes is the right conditions and leggings. Why do you think the Bible says to flee from sexual immorality?

Only a fool thinks he can play with fire and not get burned. I am not calling you a fool, I am just trying to use all my important words in this paragraph. Moral of the story, stay away from women. They are baaaaad. Seriously stay away, okay apart from mama Ntagali. She is the only one you are safe with. Just be sure she has actually forgiven you, otherwise…

In closing, let us read Proverbs 5:17-20; “Enjoy the woman you married while you were young. She is like a beautiful deer, a lovely fawn. Let her love satisfy you completely. Stay drunk on her love and don’t go stumbling into the arms of another woman”.

Until we meet again sir, may the Lord keep you safe from the female species and I, from the other. Amen.

 

Leave a comment

More in Blah blah blah

  • What if some police officers are Uwimanas?

    Nga they are potential murder convicts with an itch to harm So Patience Uwimana, the villain in that infamous video that...

    Jan NapioMarch 19, 2021
  • Meghan, Harry, blah blah blah

    Honestly, that interview is just another life story, nothing special. Opinions, noses, everyone has them – so they say. I don’t...

    Jan NapioMarch 12, 2021
  • Someone get me with Kaluuya

    I will dedicate my 20% NSSF savings to our movie. Who has Daniel Kaluuya’s number? I have things to tell him....

    Jan NapioMarch 5, 2021
  • No one knows it all, after all

    How the bayaye missed Mr Wine’s car, we’ll never know! A wasp waist. That’s what I had in mind for January...

    Jan NapioFebruary 26, 2021
  • There’s more to life than Netflix

    I saw Kwiz Era’s art and I was roused – too bad I can’t afford it… yet! I found inspiration in...

    Jan NapioFebruary 19, 2021
  • In love? …Small doses at a time

    I used to think love was a fairy tale. Now I know it’s weed… I used to think that love was...

    Jan NapioFebruary 12, 2021
  • No votes, why get my ambulance?

    At least Anite pretended to care about people! Wonders shall never cease in the Pearl of Africa. This week, however, allow...

    Jan NapioFebruary 5, 2021
  • Let the MAMAs be!

    I know you’ll all be ministers in the new UG and land will cost 10K but please… These days I wake...

    Jan NapioJanuary 29, 2021