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Seven ways to deal with the mud this rainy season

Photo Credit: Nicholas Bamulanzeki

It’s raining. The roads are now semi-liquid. Especially with the so-called Covid Road Works. Now, if you pass through Ntinda or Kisementi, by the time you get to your destination, you are an idol with feet of clay.

Don’t worry. I have the solutions!

Balenciaga gumboots: You guys don’t want to wear gumboots because you feel that they are not fashionable or they are local or whatever, yet you will wear any stupid thing Kanye West puts on in his Instagram. So, UNRA, until you finish fixing the roads, or Uganda Meterological Department or Musoke the Rain God, whoever is responsible for the mud, until you finish, let Ugandan innovators start putting Balenciaga and Yeezy on gumboots so that we can wear them without feeling like we are villagers so that we can wear them without feeling like we are supposed to be behind a herd of cows.

You know the best thing about military camouflage? If it gets dirty everyone just assumes it is part of the print. Make camouflage your fashion for this month.

Oba if it is raining, and there is so much mud between where you are and where they are calling you, just don’t go. Zoom meeting. Tell them you are social distancing because you suspect they don’t wash their hands but the truth is you are social distancing your shoes from mud.

Oh. Architects and construction people. Check this out. Buildings should stop having floors of tiles and carpets. Just do like traditional days and let the inside be also made of earth. In fact, develop the idea further and just grow grass in the sitting room. Get a lawn indoors. Then it won’t mind the mud, and it will also be relaxing during sunny days. No need to mop and sweep. Just bring in a goat every now and then to keep it short.

Then eat the goat, of course.

Finally, this one applies to couples who find themselves at the edge of a muddy patch. Babes, if that guy really loves you, he will carry you across.

And if she really loves you, when it is time to come back, she will understand that it is her turn.

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