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A massage minus touching? Please, let’s be practical!

And to imagine I have been promised a special offer by Bettina

“Can you imagine a world where Biden is President?”, the ‘Prophet’ Elvis Mbonye, he of the Zoe Ministries fame, once said during those moments of his when he starts to see things in the future. ‘In fact do not imagine it,’ he told his cheering people.

Now that the video clip of the said prophesy is making rounds, I can’t help but imagine why he never told us never to imagine a world without gyms, massage parlours, especially casinos and gaming centres.

Eish, nga some of us have suffered during this period when all these have been closed. And so today, I join the hundreds of thousands of Ugandans who cannot wait for our favourite massage places to resume operations tomorrow, in expressing my happiness.

How I missed my weekly massage therapy, the kind offered by professionals, professionally by applying gentle or strong pressure to muscles and joints to ease tension.

Not those impromptu things of asking your neighbour on the bus to Rukungiri to massage your shoulders and neck.

That doesn’t alleviate pain, or relieve stress – some of the reasons we get massages. That jua kali kind of massage only tightens your muscles and increases your stress levels. No wonder there are lots of stressed individuals walking this country’s streets.

I will rekindle my relationship with Bettina, my favourite massage therapist. At theirs, I have been promised a special offer for some of their new packages. I will still settle for the Swedish massage though, because Betiina says here, they will ably follow those guidelines offered by the Ministry of Health, such as social distancing.


But wait. Does this mean there will not be rubbing and kneading of my entire body using their hands?

Come to think of it. Have massage parlours been asked to devise something new, like the use of a mingling stick to poke you and thus avoid contamination and eventual transmission of Covid-19? A massage without massaging?

Prophet Mbonye, can you imagine?

Isn’t this a weaker deal than that of keeping bars and discothèques closed ‘as they continue to carry out further assessments’?

This is proper short changing. Maybe massage parlours and gyms should remain closed while we reopen bars. I swear.

After all, a famous local musician once said: ‘Let’s speak facts. What is sanitiser made of? Alcohol. Now alcohol in a bar, someone is putting it in their throat. Where does Covid-19 really affect the person? In the throat. Let’s be practical about these things.”

Let us be practical!

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