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Zoom and all the kind you’ll find there

Call on call: One of the things that working from home courtesy of Covid-19 popularised, was Zoom. Everyone will go on and on about the meetings they have, but on there, are some special people.


Back in the days before Bobi became Kyagulanyi, Skype was the thing. Viber came around but soon proved to be a non-starter. Then Covid-19 happened and Zoom became zoom. Let’s take a look into the different things we have learned from Zoom meetings.

1. The People who log in and go on mute
Unlike physical meetings where one could not fake their presence, zoom has made it possible to multi-task. There is always that one group of people who sign into a meeting with both audio and video off.
They only get to react when their name is called. Even then, they revert to the common excuse; “sorry I lost you there.” It is at that moment that you realise they are simply asking for someone to repeat all they just said. They are only active at the start of the call and at the end. These people are the true legends. They are the biggest fans of Zoom.

2. The people who suggest another Zoom call as a follow-up to a Zoom call
You remember in the pre-covid days when people had a knack for organising follow-up meetings. These people did not die off.
They resurrected in a new form of organising Zoom calls. They are always the hosts, always offering to organise a call as a follow up to any pending issue.
The thing is, even after the follow-up call, there will still be another Zoom call.

3. The ‘my network is poor’ gang
Then we have the special gang whose network is always failing. It only fails in the moments when they are needed to respond to a critical issue. Just when the fire has been directed in their direction, they pause a bit then log off. The next thing you hear is; “I guess we just lost Sharon.” There will always be another dude who will keep shouting the Sharon name; “aggghhh Sharon are you still there?” Sharon will always magically reappear at the end of the call with the mother of excuses, “Guys, I apologise, my network is poor today. You know I am using my phone and people keep calling.”

4. The genuinely poor network fellow who just can’t accept the truth
Now although poor network is the biggest excuse in Zoom meetings, we also have those few whose network is genuinely miserable. The only problem with this group is that they do not want to accept their network problems. They will keep rattling against everyone’s pleas. “Ronald we can’t hear you,” the group will shout. But Ronald will keep explaining the complexities of the world to himself. The thing with the Ronalds of Zoom, they also cannot help but ramble. They never want to see the call end.

5. The Zoom background specialists
Just when we thought there would be sanity on Zoom, someone brought the Zoom background. Several people thus chose to specialise in changing those Zoom backgrounds. There is always that one chap who has just discovered the Zoom background. By coincidence, he will always fall for that generic beach background with the water waves roaming in the background. Dear Muhimbo, we clearly know you are not at some beach in Entebbe, you are in your house in Mutungo.

6. The chaps who never go on mute
Some chaps have simply failed to find the mute button. Someone will always have to put them on mute. The problem with not being on mute is that people will always be speaking out some random conversations. Imagine being unmuted while talking about the new girl in office. These chaps fall in the same categories of the video addicts. In the middle of their video, someone will always pop in, some random kid, some random wife completely unaware that the husband is on a Zoom call. The first rule of a Zoom call is to know where the mute button is found. Do not forget the background noise chap, the one always stuck in some noisy room.

7. Others
In here, we have the latecomers, that one chap who always pops in towards the end. The excuse; “hey guys, was caught up in another meeting.” Then you have that other chap drinking something, aka the famous coffee mug or water bottle. In here, we also have the one having the call outside, with some natural scenery. What about the Walker? That one person who just cannot settle in one place, they walk around from room to room showcasing their journey on video. Then we could all be this one other person, the one who is secretly using their phone on the side.

Twitter: ortegatalks

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