To Top

Full Figure, leave Mbarara alone, come to Kireka

Jennifer Nakanguubi, also known as Full Figure, has been banned from Mbarara City. Her and her NRM poster have been declared persona non grata by a certain group of people. If you sense jealousy, you are right on the money. The people who pulled down the posters are apparently artistes. Although I have a feeling they are hopeless jobless youth who wish they too could be on a poster with Tibuhabuura.

This comes when Forbes Magazine has named Uganda among the best travel destinations for October. I guess, they only had coronavirus in mind when they made their estimations. Perhaps, Full Figure should protest this pronouncement because Uganda is clearly not a safe place for her, the angry people have said she must have loads of security if she ever returns to Mbarara.

I know you probably wouldn’t pull down a poster from an ordinary public spot but then again, the Mbararians if I may call them so, treasure that Mahembe Gente roundabout so it is a little special. Even I in my past life of petty idle and disorderliness, would be offended if Full Figure’s face showed up there. It feels like showing up at work only to find that someone changed your PC screen saver to a blown out photo of Full Figure.

Not all is lost though for the healthy over-fed and happy useful idiot. There are certain places at this time of year that welcome all and sundry. Allow me introduce to you Kireka. It is not too far from Kampala City so it should suffice for whatever business… political, sex parties, name it. It might not be on Forbes list of sanest places this year but Kireka is the place to be if you are slightly or even overly irregular. So madam Nakanguubi, leave Mbarara alone, come to Kireka. It might be more accommodative and welcoming. I think you might even be able to get away with breaking the curfew rules that have been a source of trouble for some people this week.

Whatever you do though, desist from going to any house full of women and invisible men in various states of undress with untoned bodies and hideous underwear. Yes I know it might seem like an innocent gathering of people discussing matters of national importance in the nude but don’t fall for it, it will not end well. Unless you had a sex change and are now a man. Because if this is so, you will somehow magically not be captured in the shameful photos that will be shared on social media. For some mystical reason, the camera only ‘sees’ women.  So I warn you Nakangubi, stay far away from those people. Stick to hanging your unsightly posters and you will be just fine.  Aluta Continua!

Don’t want to miss out on any story? For updates on all Sqoop stories, follow this link on Telegram:

Leave a comment

More in Columnists