Catching up: While some are busy putting the ghetto in them aside and building reputable brands, the President is busy trying to appeal to the ‘down’ person and the millennials.
Life is funny. The poor adore the luxury of the rich, the ability to eat in top-notch restaurants, hob-nob with their fellow bourgeoisies, and every privilege that comes with wealth. The rich, on the other hand, cannot help but miss the privileges of the poor. They try to eat like the poor; the local foods, they fantasise about the freedom of the poor, from what to wear, and how to live one’s life.
And so, the case is not any different in Uganda. Bobi Wine spent his life trying to become like Museveni. He let go of his dreads, he abandoned his bling chains, dropped most of his ‘bayaaye’ friends, and became another corporate man in suits. Then came Museveni, looking to fit in.
It all started in 2010. Then, an aging President chose to build a new career as a hip hop superstar. He released the viral; “You want another rap” song. It was his grand entry into the ghetto, and into the millennial circles.
When “Tubonga Naawe” was released in 2015, it marked the next step of the transformation. The President was done with his past self and was primed to making new friends. It is from this “Tubonga Naawe” crop that the President solidified his friendship with Bebe Cool, and Catherine Kusasira, to mention but a few.
Bebe Cool and Kusasira would proceed to hire Museveni as an influencer for their future concerts. The President was unlocking new levels in the ‘mubanda’ career path. When he attended Bebe Cool’s concert, it was a few minutes to midnight. As a way of apologising to his fans and friends, he declared an open bar for the ‘bazukulu’. The President had kicked off the ‘parte after parte’ generation. He was moving from concert to concert. Never had the President attended a late-night concert, worse still, declared an open bar. Maama Janet must have been taken by surprise.
Fast forward to 2019/2020, and the President had now become full ghetto. He was making friends from all walks of life. He enlisted Buchaman, Full Figure, Ashburg Katto, and every other person that had a ghetto character in their blood. Above all, the President even made a visit to the ghetto.
With Covid-19, the President had more time to himself, his full ghetto self would come on full display. He would remind us of the mighty ‘tweny tweny’ slogan. Museveni had transitioned into M7.
M7 was now doing pushup challenges. The first 10 pushups were always perfect, only Bad Black could explain the other 20. To prove that he was going for 40 years as President, he got his grandchildren and challenged them to a 40 push-ups challenge. It is only in the ghetto where people work out to prove a point. Who knows, the President could proceed to lifting weights? Don’t be shocked when he wakes up shirtless and displays his six packs.
In line with his millennial friends, M7 is fully addicted to social media. He has been dared to a wrestling fight ‘mu kasaawe e Nsambya.’ He’s yet to accept the challenge. Perhaps he’s still in discussions with his promoter on his ask, or he’s looking for a personal trainer.
Last week, M7 even announced that he is now on Instagram. Instagram is about flaunting one’s highlights. It is just a matter of time before he joins TikTok. Imagine M7 pulling off the #DontLeaveMeChallenge. Ugandans will be running after him, shouting #DontLeaveMe #DontLeaveMe.
Rumour has it that the President had even planned to attend Blankets and Wine, and thereafter hit the road to Jinja for Nyege Nyege. Imagine him in shorts chilling by the riverside at one of the Nyege Nyege stages and then posting on his status #BinoByebilumaAbayaye while pointing towards Bobi Wine and Besigye.
It is not so often that the world witnesses such transformations. Bobi Wine is spending most of his time amplifying Robert Kyagulanyi, Museveni now spends his time amplifying Sevo aka Dzaddy aka M7. And perhaps that is how the President has chosen to rebrand himself. From being Jajja, he now prefers to be called Dzaddy.
There is only two things M7 is left to do. He needs to buy a Subaru, and then shift to Najjera. Once he does this, he will be the perfect Ugandan Millennial, but he can also proceed to declare himself Ghetto President alongside the King of Yoruba. He will then throw some house parties, break his own Presidential directives and meet his Subie friends as they cruise away to State House Entebbe.
I can only hope that as the President becomes more millennial, more ghetto, he can carry some of his old friends on this journey. Just imagine Edwardo Ssekandee on TikTok or Snapchat. Just imagine him competing against Tumwine, the upcoming artiste and dissing his cake house. Welcome the new Ghetto President, the new millennial, Dzaddy Sevo.