UCC wants to pass a Bill where musicians and creatives submit their raw work for marking before release to ‘innocent’ Ugandans. Ugandans being innocent is obviously exaggerated.
We top international drinking statistics, ran out of condoms at one point last year and are stuck with the same President for more than 30 years.
That said, this is probably the most bizarre Bill Uganda has ever tabled – a few notches below the equally stupid mini-skirt bill.
I have tried to imagine a situation where our dear musicians present their “work” for perusal.
B2C, hand in their Munda Awo lyrics sheet.
A panel of three people await. It is headed by a gentleman with grey hair, who probably because of his age, has first hand anecdotes about slave raids. He is Peter.
He is assisted by a lady who stereotypically has on thick lens glasses, a two-tonne Rosary and probably went to early 70s Namagunga. Let’s call her, Jane.
The third one, who’s the toughest, is most probably some bigwig’s undercover puppet who got the job under mysterious circumstances. He will be Amos.
“I wanna fist you…?” asks Peter. “You know that’s illegal in Uganda.” He says, cleaning his glasses.
“Sir, it’s visit. I wanna visit you.”
“Fair enough. But why would you want to eat her banana? Can’t you buy your own banana?” Asks Jane, looking at them from above her glasses.
“But ma’am, we seek her consent first. ‘I wanna visit you.. I [want] to eat your banana.’
Audible murmurs of approval amongst the trio – or who the musicians secretly call, Cerberus, the three-headed guard dog of Hades.
“Visit still sounds sexual,” Jane says as she grabs a red pen. “We are crossing out ‘visit’ and putting ‘Christ’. ‘Eat your banana’ to ‘read your Bible.’
“But.. but it does make sense, ma’am,” replies a concerned group member.
“I don’t think music is about making sense. You’re three adults, proposing to move across town and eat a young girl’s banana. I’m saying, move to read her a Bible. Who of us is making sense?”
Before they can answer, Amos who has been relatively silent all through, breaks the silence.
“So, ‘teka munda awo’…means what?”
“Put my love in your heart..”, replies one of them.
“You think we are stupid? Get out and re-write this. Deadline is September 1. NEXT!”
B2C visibly disappointed, exit to call in the next artiste. It is Nina Roz. She asks them how it was.
“Horrible. We were told to re-write it. What song have you brought for vetting?”
“Gwongereyo munda ddala.”
CA Karuhanga returns next week