I bet you had never imagined you would ever do anything ‘scientific’ until the Covid-19 pandemic happened. I mean, did you ever think you would witness weddings, funerals, company meetings, campaigns or parties with less than 10 people?
On the day President Museveni banned any sort of gatherings, one of the girls I had had a thing with in the past was supposed to get married two days later. I got wind that she was expecting about 3,000 people. None showed up. Not even the groom.
Part of me was happy her multi-million shillings function had flopped. The other half was sad that it had flopped and that there would never be three days of partying.
Since that debacle, I have attended like four really scientific weddings in the past three months, two more than I ever did over four years.
The one in early May had just 10 of us; The bestman and matron, the other two people marrying each other, some guy I had never met, a pianist, the couple’s nine-year-old son and a priest whose preaching was inaudible behind his Church of Uganda branded mask.
At this particular celebration, I took the first reading while the nine-year-old read the second one. I was also forced to be part of a two-man choir with the previously unseen guy.
Gwe, we sang ‘Here comes the bride’ and some other Rukiga songs in discord as the pianist did his thing. At the reception, 35 more people showed up, most without gifts. By 3.30pm, the reception venue was empty.
Fast forward, the other three were slightly better off than the first one due to the easing of total lockdown. Merrier. More people at church. Audible sermons. Longer hours at the receptions. Yes, we can finally enjoy weddings and parties at that, albeit, scientifically.
Konka, the partial lifting of the ban on movement has come with all sorts of nonsense.
For example, that procession in Koboko organised by an aspiring legislator Evelyn Anite, also a state minister. She said she was not part of it.
Or the other jokers who followed the panty-distributing Dickson Kateshumbwa throughout western Uganda the other day. ‘Katesh’, who was bundled out of Uganda Revenue Authority wants to represent Sheema Municipality in the next Parliament. As a ‘people’s man’, he has denied he ever asked them to follow him.
How can I forget the Najjera chaps who lock themselves in supermarkets and bars to partake of the bitter in hiding?
Not cool, guys. Not cool. If you are to violate this scientific directive, do it scientifically. We all know why we are being asked to do things this way. Ten people tops!