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Professions we miss in these Covid-19 times

Carrying on: By now, we may seem like we have moved on but no, there are things that are just so hard to carry on without. What things? Things like Blankets and Wine.

 

We have tried to play strong but everyday it becomes more evident we need some professions. They may not be super essentials, but in a subtle way, they make the world go round. Let’s delve into these jobs, these professions that we miss…

1.Barbers/hairdressers
If you are looking for intel on anything or anyone, you must frequent the salons, you must befriend hairdressers. Salons are the command centre for homes and offices. It is here that you get to know who is moving out with who. You get to know who owns which building in Kampala.
You can tell which man is raising another man’s children unknowingly. But above all, for men, cheating on their barbers is almost abominable.
Men will never cheat on three things in life; their barber, their rolex guy and their football club.
That is why Arsenal fans would rather be in an abusive relationship with their club than opt out. For the sake of the intelligence system of this country, we thank God that the salons were open on Tuesday.

2. Bouncers
For starters, bouncers command a certain respect beyond what the bar owners can imagine. You may think bouncers hold the keys to heaven. When you get to the entrance, they scout your body with their eyes, they size you up. Some have a funny habit of acting like they have not seen you, pulling you back for a check. It is said that the secret to a great night out starts with tipping the bouncer.
The rest can follow. It turns out Pastor Mondo’s prayers are the reason bouncers’ jobs are under threat. That he asked God to show him a built-up billionaire before bars can reopen. May be Covid-19 will be a humble reflection for the bouncers that they do not have to act robotic.
And together with the bouncers, we miss the waitresses and waiters. We miss the mixed-up orders.
We miss ordering for a pina-colada cocktail only for someone to show up with a ‘Mukama Nayamba’. We miss how the lighting in the lounges makes everything look too beautiful.

It is said income redistribution happens in bars. That the longer the bars remain closed, it leads to income inequality. That once a man has signed off a million in a deal, he will bring half of that to the bar. The money will spread out in tips, it will spread out to buying girls and their in-laws drinks. And off that one deal, thousands will be able to celebrate.
We should also miss the DJs, the ones who made the vibe, and the ones who killed it. Some DJs cannot play out of their Nigerian comfort zone. While others brought it towards the end of the night as a reminder that it is time to go home.

3. Boda Bodas
This is self-explanatory. Boda bodas are the most efficient form of transport in this enclave economy. We need boda bodas more than they need us. People have been able to catch flights on time, thanks to boda bodas.
People have made it to job interviews on time because of boda bodas. After hairdressers, boda bodas are the next therapists.
They are the masters of starting random conversations.
Boda bodas will teach you about rela tionships, about finances, almost about anything there is to learn about life. The one thing though is that boda boda riders will never plead to ignorance about a location. They claim to know every place in the country. No wonder it is Publicity Natete that is currently heralding English literacy in Uganda.

4. Pastors/prophets
Now with churches closed, it has increasingly become hard for flock to tithe. It is very hard to convince flock to contribute remotely.
The flock requires the physical presence of their prophet in order to part with the money. As that offertory bag goes around, there is a guilty conscience that forces everyone to do paper notes instead of coins. That cannot happen over a live TV service. We miss the anointing, we miss the falls.

We miss the holy dribbling, we miss the holy rice. In these places we found hope, we found healing, we found everything that makes one look forward to the next day.
Now we have no more Sunday memories to re-live. There are no more overnights, no more conversions.
Do you also notice that fights among religious leaders have gone down? Because there is no reason to fight. On a brighter side, men do not have to be dragged to fellowships anymore just to prove their love for her.
Now men can comfortably run home on Tuesday and Thursday not worried about annoying their Zoe fellowship crush.

5. Events
Given that the latest statistics showed Uganda having more recoveries than active cases, we may need a Covid Festival.
One grand festival that celebrates our victory over Covid-19. Because truth be told, we are all suffering silently with event withdrawal symptoms. Imagine a life without Nyege Nyege! Imagine a life without Blankets and Wine! Imagine a life without all these events!
Unfortunately, it is a life we have lived since March. But like Johnnie, we keep walking!
We miss the people that verify our event tickets. They portray a rare seriousness as they scan the bar codes. We miss you chaps.

Twitter: ortegatalks

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