The Monday troll
Webinar for Bad Black
Shanita Namuyimba uses “mbwa gwe” as both pre- and suffix in every sentence. How apt it would be to throw her favourite words at her. Apparently, she recorded that anti-Covid-19 message to commercial sex workers without signing on any dotted lines.
She just took a promise to meet with the President. How a person of Bad Black’s experience eats up a promise rather than hard cash before ‘work’ beats me. Now she wants Shs500m in damages and a meeting with Museveni. Oh Bad Black!
Museveni isn’t even meeting some of his family members for fear of the virus. A Webinar is all you can get now. However, if you bide your time and hit it after Covid-19, this being election year, you could hit a jackpot. After all, unlike the others, you have a full constituency at your disposal. Yes, sex workers vote and their votes count. This advice is worth Shs500m, BTW.
Fat Boy trolled
How do you troll a troll? Rajiv tried, but you know Fat Boy can only be sacked, not put down. Going to pick his letter, he met Rajiv in the corridors of Raja Chambers.
Rajiv: Hey, don’t just walk past like that.
Fat Boy: I didn’t deserve to be laid off like that. I was treated like trash.
Rajiv: No Hope, No Change
Fat Boy: You’ve given me more hope.
Rajiv: Then why are you moaning?
Fat Boy: Me? Moaning? Aha! I pity you.
Rajiv: Fine, go eat your pity.
Fat Boy: You’re trying too hard. I’ll be gone, I’m busy.
Rajiv: Look here…
Fat Boy: No Hope, No Change.
During that two-minute chat, Fat Boy received six calls. Now Odeke, a buddy who works on some upcoming radio, says he wants to become a controversial social media troll like Fat Boy.
“Fat Boy’s sacking has taught me that it pays to be bad. This guy specialises in annoying people yet even the women who are his biggest victims want him to remain relevant.”
Well, Odeke should know that there can only be one Fat Boy.
Ggwanga threatens to burn down purgatory
Phiona has been wondering why the media has given Kasirye Ggwanga so much space and airtime in death. Wish she knew what happened ‘down there’.
Gen. Ggwanga arrived puffing a Rex and met Bo, his beloved dog. The tough man went all jelly and cried as he hugged the dog and said he has been missing him. Then come evening, he retreated into a tent that he insisted on sharing with Bo. All was well until incessant noise from outside got beyond what he could bear.
Ggwanga charged outside and confronted patrons in a bar. He said they were too noisy for a deathly good. “You there,” he said. “You look familiar. By chance, you know a fool called Kayira? He started a war and ran away to the US to eat sausages with Americans.”
Getting no response, Ggwanga walked away and returned with an Ak-47. He fired a volley of bullets into the air, and then yanked the patron he had talked to earlier by the collar. Police responding to the shots made a U-turn.