To Top

Of Najjera peeps and their struggle for attention

SEE ME SYNDROME: Najjera has been trending during this lockdown and all for the wrong reasons. The people from this republic have a thirst for attention and it could just have something to do with their surroundings.

It has often been said that second born children tend to be rebellious. Because they are in the middle, they are often forgotten. Because what is the use of being in the middle? You are not the first, neither are you the last. As a result of being ignored, these children will look for all ways to court attention. They will cause havoc at school; they will break things in the house. As long it gets them parental attention, they will give it a shot.  That pretty much explains Najjera. It is a suburb that exists, but no one can attach importance to its existence. For we do not really know what Najjera stands for.

Over time, we have all moved on normally with our lives, knowing that Bulindo is unchallenged for its dust, Nansana is holding for with silver fish while Naalya is dealing with its overweight problems. Kisaasi came in the picture and we understood that it is the place all young millennials who have just entered the workforce run to for accommodation. Without anyone noticing, Najjera happened, and as they say, the rest is history.

It will not take you long to notice that all Subaru, Altezza and Mark 2 drivers have conspired to reside in Najjera. Of course, you cannot drive these cars and live a normal life. The pockets will always be on lockdown, with nothing much to offer. What better way than to look for a place where the rent is fair to a broke chap? Now you combine Subaru, combine alcohol, combing slaying and you pretty much have the standard profile of a Najjera resident.

But because no one really cares about their existence, Najjera chaps will go out of the way to rebel. First, they claim to be connected. With an influx of footing lawyers in Najjera, and a few LDU chaps, Najjera residents have been deluded to think that proximity to power implies holding power. But that too is a story for another day.

Always on the wrong side

The big issue is that Najjera residents have continued to behave as though the laws of Uganda do not apply to them. When you walk into Najjera, you could think that everyone is an essential worker. It is rumoured that there is not a big difference between Najjera dudes and truck drivers.

When the President banned private vehicles, the people in Najjera already had a way out. They bought bicycles, boda bodas and were even hiring trucks. When that too was halted, they went ahead and embraced jogging as a lifestyle.

To imagine that people who have been binging on sanitizer and bacon would find a passion in jogging is to imagine Bulindo without dust. Yet that’s what happened in Najjera. They took over the Northern Bypass, apparently to stretch out after a jogging session.

When a waiver was made for pregnant women, your guess is as good as ours. Every woman in Najjera suddenly was pregnant. Let it be known that if the President decides to extend the lockdown, we shall have Najjera to belong. Yet it is also our humbe appeal, that Najjera requires its own lockdown after the rest of the country is done with the drill.

Luckily, Umeme has done a good deal in humbling the Najjera residents. It is official that rain and electricity do not mix in Najjera. It is also known that Najjera residents have since then become allergic to formal clothing. They cannot risk having cotton shirts when you are not certain about Umeme’s behaviour.

It is also said, in Najjera, it is almost impossible to find a married couple. If you are dating a man from Najjera, be certain he is not about to commit. They have all kinds of excuses. Apparently, they are focused on their careers. But what careers when half of Najjera are social media influencers. The other half slays for a living, with the balance claiming the title of ‘creatives’. Almost everyone in Najjera defines themselves as a creative. But if creative stands for endless house parties, black out sessions, then yes, these chaps are creative.

Speaking of food, nothing will ever separate Najjera from the rolex. It is part of the weekly dinner. But you cannot blame Najjera. It has dealt with everything in life. They have had to deal with Umeme, potholes, traffic jam, and above all, their own madness. And in times when a town must deal with its own madness, you cannot help but feel pity for that town.

We hope that one day, the mighty prophet Elvis Mbonye will set foot in Najjera. It is Najjera’s last shot at being saved. They need a man who has been to Heaven a couple of times, a man with a direct line to Jesus — that is the only man that can redeem Najjera. For now, we request that the President recognises them, gives them a pat on the back. May be when we finally give them some attention, they will relax.

PS: This piece here is part of the much-needed attention!

Twitter: @OrtegaTalks

Leave a comment

More in Columnists