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Bobi Wine, eat wet rugs to make Ugandans happy

Bobi Wine in Jamaica

So we had a palindrome and it brought us many blessings. Now, for those who only understand grammar, a palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same backward as forward.

February gave us a palindrome date. And then it gave us Bobi Wine and Barbie. The ghetto couple has been holidaying in paradise, soaking in the orgasmic sunshine that we don’t get here, and cosying up to dolphins in the sea. Lovely.

But not to Ugandans and their penchant for determining how everyone else must live to their taste. Now they are saying Bobi Wine cannot claim to be oppressed when he is having such fancy holidays abroad.

I think people around Bobi Wine are letting him down. They are busy running around to wrestle a parliamentary seat from fellow Opposition members while others are falling over themselves for alms from the spotted animal. In the end, there is no one to give sober advice to Bobi Wine.

I can do it. Pro bono, after all, Buchaman says the guy is parsimonious and wouldn’t pay. That Kyagulanyi fella should start eating soaked rugs and sleeping in the streets to show Ugandans that he is oppressed.

While at it, he can stop paying fees for his children, take them to UPE schools… no, that won’t work. His critics will say he is reaping from a government programme. He can just keep the kids selling gnuts and cigarettes in traffic, complete with runny noses.

The only problem is that Ugandans act like they are paid to supervise what Bobi Wine does with his life and wife so they will find shades to throw at him for this too. What should this Ssentamu fellow do? Retire from public life? It must really be hard living a public life in Uganda.

Which leaves me wondering why Benjamin Netanyahu and his wife Sara keep running to Kampala every other day. The other time Leo even humiliated them when he started praising Palestine in Netanyahu’s face.

Bobi Wine’s wife Barbie Kyagulanti at Dunn’s River Falls in Jamaica. PHOTOS FROM BARBIE KYAGULANYI INSTAGRAM

In July 1976, Netanyahu’s older brother Yonatan was among the commandos that raided Entebbe to rescue some 100 hostages. He was the only Israeli soldier who would not return home alive.

“The sad event, 40 years ago, turned into another bond linking Palestine to Africa,” Leo told Netanyahu. “I said this is yet another bond between Africa and Palestine because there were earlier bonding events.”

Facing corruption charges back home, the Israeli ‘first couple’ scurried to Kampala like the prosecutors handling their graft and abuse of office cases were seen meeting with Angella Katatumba at a fast food joint.

The prosecutors are not here and Angella is still mourning Kobe Bryant who reminds her of her ex. Benjamin and Sara, probably, are here to learn weight loss tips or how to organise anti-corruption walks having proven beyond doubt to Israeli people that they qualify to lead such a campaign.

Meanwhile, before Ben and Sara depart, Leo should treat them to some game meat. After what Akol did to Odonga Otto, it appears to be the rev. The muscle build up could come in handy if things flared up in court back in Tel Aviv. The only challenge is how much to eat, because Chemutai, a nutritionist, tells me that too much game meat can lead to arrogance and you end up punching an askari at a mall like this Rwandan minister.

Barbie swimming with dolphins

The only good thing is that if Ben and Sara ate game meat and acted up here, in Uganda, we don’t care; we praise. While Evode Uwizeyimana has apologised and will probably be sacked by PK, here we award medals to public miscreants.

Soldiers who tackled Judge Cathy Bamugemereire were awarded medals for their valour, probably because the boss thought they were targeting her make up kit. A minister called Byandala once slapped a journalist and acted like he had just paid more taxes than Sudhir and Madhvani and then this one Kibuule minced an askari at a bank like he was endorsing OTT for URA’s Akol.

None of them has been called to order and that is how we end up celebrating Akol for making Odonga Otto flee Facebook while mocking Bobi Wine for living his life.

Rendition. Empty tins make a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh. Visit this page every Sunday to encounter Empty Tin and his warped ideas.

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