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People everyone needs in 2020

Survival: Life has handed us some permanent problems and thank God some of them are fixable because well, as it turns out, life has also handed us ways to fix these problems.

Life is about survival. Every man ought to be equipped with certain survival skills. Among these skills, are people skills, knowing the right people, and having the right people. If one wishes to have a smooth life in 2020, then man ought to recruit the following people as soon as possible;

The boda guy

Behind every scandal-free man is a steadfast boda boda guy. The kind who will know you in and out, all your secrets, your wallet affairs, yet still not reveal a guy. Every man is as good as their boda guy. If you want to know a man, look at the boda guy he keeps and the qualities upon which he was hired.

You need a boda guy to run your errands. You need a boda guy to pick up your katogo on that cold night. You basically need a boda guy to carry your imports and exports. Without a boda guy, you can barely survive in this Kampala. In this 2020, if you do not have a boda guy, you are too late for survival.

The rolex guy

Now that you have a boda guy, as a serious man in Kampala, you also need a rolex guy. As we have always recommended, the rolex guy ought to be located by the roadside, with a plastic cup for mixing the eggs, and the famous dirty brown cloth. Why a rolex guy? There are days when man cannot afford a serious meal. On those days, nyanya mbisi will be the only option. Be loyal to your rolex guy, never cheat on them, the consequences are dire.

A serious barber

2020 is not the year of explaining your preferred hairstyle to barbers. It is the year when you simply sit down and watch your barber do all the magic. Man must find a barber that accepts them for who they are. That is to say, one’s barber ought to be in love with their head shape. For truth be told, if not for unconditional love, how on earth does one take on Eddy Mutwe’s head for a trim?

Your barber must be consistent. They must cut your famous lines at the same points. Occasionally they could experiment, but only for the better. If you must remind them of your hairstyle, it is an indicator to their laziness.

A sure

But surely, does this need any explaining? Should we waste another paragraph stressing this simple point? If you are into betting, this should be self-explanatory. Every man needs to be sure of a sure, for that’s the only sure way to know everything is sure. For reference, listen to Vinka’s song.

A generous girlfriend

It is the year of gender equality. Gone are the days when paying bills was left to one side. It is now a man and woman’s game. For 2020, every man needs to find themselves a fully employed girlfriend. But above all, every man needs a generous girlfriend.

This is the year for girlfriends to take their boyfriends on vacation. This is the year for girlfriends to surprise their boyfriends with new cars, mansions and business capital. If you still believe this is the year for all this nonsense, then my friend, you need to take your medication.

A personal bar

Every man needs to personalise one of these sprawling lounges. As a man, you need to enter a bar and not have to remind the waitress of your drink choice. You should be a regular to the point that you can get in a fight with anyone, and the case will be ruled in your favour. It may take a lot of work to find such a bar, but you need one of these kinds. The kind you will enter when every table is taken but the bar manager will find you a table on spot.

If you do not know the waitresses by name, then you have not yet found your personal bar. Above all, if they do not know you by name, maybe you are just a broke nigg*.

A laundry lady

Nothing is as straining as doing laundry. But when you find the perfect laundry lady, you have figured out 80 per cent of life’s challenges. A good laundry lady is the difference between a tidy house and a dirty one. Your laundry lady must be able to show up even on your broke days. They should work for the same pay regardless of the amount of clothes to be washed. The worst day in a man’s life is when the laundry lady calls in sick. For it is not easy to find a quick replacement.

The perfect boss

As they often say, people do not leave jobs, they leave bad bosses. In 2020, you must find the boss with the right vibe. If you cannot call your boss at any time of the day to explain your problems, then you have the wrong boss. If you must knock on a door in order to enter your boss’ office, you should have quit like yesterday. If you must heap titles upon titles while addressing your boss, you should be starting your charcoal stall already. You spend half of your life at the workplace, why not make it worthwhile by finding a perfect boss? If you cannot find a perfect boss, try State House. All you must do is show your thumbs up, and shout; “Mzee ali steady.” That could earn you a pay raise.

Let me hear from you, which people do you need in life?

Twitter: @OrtegaTalks

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