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Who is Mya?… What happened to Google?

“I don’t know what’s going on in the heads of promoters these days!! Who is Mya?”

Dearly beloved, those were the last words of the litro girl Sheilah Gashumba just before she was murdered in hot blood with verbal daggers from angry important people who call themselves music connoisseurs. (Okay most of them actually are but some are just showing off). The funeral was, as it should be a sad affair, the only peculiar thing is that no one attended not even the government, the tourism board or even the association of idle Ugandans on Instagram and Snapchat. If the walls of the funeral venue could talk, they would be crying out loud saying, “weyayu?’’

People just watched her get murdered and then slinked away back to collecting  two million signatures for a petition mbu to take our sweet Jaja to the International Criminal Court for crimes against their egos.

I respect Sheilah though because she did not fight it at all. She just stood there and took it like a clueless man should. I believe that somewhere in her red lipstick Gucci lispy heart she said, “Forgive them lord, for they know too much”.

Forgive me for assuming that you know what I am rambling on about. Let me explain. So it has been announced that American singer-songwriter, producer, and actress will be the main act at this year’s Jazz Safari.  Billboards have been put up announcing her presence at the show. This is the point where you first stop reading, pull out your Android phone and Google the name Mýa Marie Harrison and if you have some MBs to waste, YouTube some of her music. You can start with, Case of the Ex since it is the one everyone is quoting, you can also watch ko her Lady Marmalade performance with Pink, Christina Aguilera and Lil’ Kim.

I believe we are all up to speed now. So that’s who Sheilah was meowing out loudly about. Of course she is not alone. More than half the people I know have never heard of Mya. So not knowing is allowed. However, we the fathers of this nation shall not tolerate public displays of ignorance on Ugandan social media. You make us look bad in the ‘eyes’ of the outside countries. How are we supposed to ask for more funds to treat malaria and buy food for the hunger-stricken people when our children are publicly admitting that they do not know Mya! This is just undoing years of hard work and sweat to create international relations and formulate the Sustainable Development Goals! The future of this nation is in jeopardy because of Sheilah’s tweet.

I do not know how we shall remedy this but I suppose we can start by teaching our children that there is more to life than kidandali and twerking. And I am in no way downplaying any of those things, I know how important they are, especially when you are constipated.  What I am saying is that Google is your friend. First Google and be as if using ko it to educate thyself before you furnish us with bouts of blonde bewilderment.

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