There is being politically correct. There has always been being mournfully correct. But recently we have been having the bombastic. You get a person acting all lofty to a fault and you wonder how much effort the ‘managers’ behind the showbiz façade go through to get their toys in shape.
A few years ago, some tactless journos in Namuwongo started picking badass lines from Chuck Norris’ social media page and programming Moses Golola to them. The kick boxer fitted the bill and within weeks, he literally owned the lines.
But when Fresh Kid started using classic lines before his father arrived in the social milieu looking like a billboard for poverty, we decided to reach out to him to get why he is being quoted as having Zari’s undergarments in his wardrobe.
But note that if you believe the following interview happened, then Fresh Daddy will sue you. If you assume, that’s a better justice for a fictitious world.
I met Fresh Daddy in this restaurant under a roundabout on Nile Avenue. His choice. The reason for this was cryptic. “I can always say we met at Serena and technically, I am right. This is a cost-effective way to be at Serena.”
So, how is Mazike doing on the charts? I asked.
“Very fine. It’s a massive hit. Just that radio DJs are not giving Mazike deserved airplay. I’m told they first ask for sex…”
But you are a man!
“Oh yes! In my case, they want mazike before playing Mazike [laughs].”
What is Mazike?
“The manager told me it’s that animal on the 50k note.”
Then pay them and get your song rocking.
“No way, it’s only upcoming artistes with bubble gum music who do that. Fresh Daddy is established.”
Some bloggers quoted you as bragging that Zari and Fabiola were feuding over you.
“I reconciled them.”
You reconciled the bloggers?
“No, Zari and Fabiola. I’m the big thing now. I even met Miss World. We had some swell time, you know?”
Who is the Miss World?
“Is it Van… Van… Man, my manager didn’t give me the name straight up.”
And what transpired?
“We agreed to meet again. Even next month, she booked me up to perform as a special guest at Miss World grand finale. And I am going with Zari and Fabiola.”
Won’t the two women fight on the world stage?
“Don’t worry, I will be there and handy.”
Did Julia Morley approve of you performing at Miss World?
“Now who is Julia Morley?”
The Miss World boss.
“Oh? My manager didn’t tell me about that one.”
You met Vanessa without Julia and Vanessa booked you to perform at Miss World?
“Wait a moment I first call my manager. That is why we insisted you send the questions first and then we meet. Now you are confusing me by asking things that are for World Cup.”
Okay, let’s leave the Miss World pageant aside since there is none next month. There are suggestions that you are dimming your son’s shine.
“Those are haters. My son is me and me is my son, okitegela? I decided to come out to show the world that Fresh Kid’s talent is real because some people were doubting him. Now that they have seen my swag, they have seen Mazike, no one can doubt he is my son. No one can doubt he is my blood. No DNA needed. Music runs in our talented blood.”
Don’t you think you are being used?
“Do I look like a big spoon for turning food around and around in the saucepan? How can I be used?”
The ladle could be those using you. You are the sauce they are stirring and the aroma wafting is to their joy.
“Please, make it simpler. The manager didn’t mention any ladle or st… what was the word again?”
Stirrer. Forget it. The point is that some people are using you. They are very talented, so they saw in you an idea where they can prop you up as a wannabe musician and they reap big.
“But I can sing and I know how to count my money.”
But you sing to their tune and you only chop the money they pass to you.
“Wait, the manager has arrived. He had said we don’t do the interview in his absence. Prepare the questions. I told him we were only chatting.”
Rendition. Empty tins make a lot of noise which will very often make you laugh. Visit this page every Sunday Monitor to encounter Empty Tin and his warped ideas.