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This is when you should tell your partner you cheated

When you become honest, you learn to share your feelings rather than hide them. As a result, you and your partner can, over time, become more emotionally intimate than ever. Courtesy Photo

It is believed that the more honest you are with your partner, the better your relationship will be. If you believe this, then you should tell your partner if you have cheated. However, some experts say some things are better-kept secret, and in certain situations, this might be one of them.

Infidelity is one thing counsellors caution lovers and couples to take note of as this may ruin the marriage or relationship. In most cases, when you do contrary to what your partner expects, things might not be the same again.

Brenda has been married close to five years and has two children. However, about a year ago, she fell into another man’s trap and carried on with an affair for some time. Brenda cannot explain her reasons for straying and although her partner has not found out about the affair, the guilt is eating her up. “I am never settled. When my husband returns from work, I start panicking thinking that maybe he has found out and is planning to leave me,” she reveals.

Several of engaged or married people have gone against their vows or promises made to their spouses. But the question is, do those who cheat get the courage to reveal what they did? Or do they keep it a secret forever? Readers share what they would do.

Getting away with it vs fixing it

According to psychologytoday.com, if keeping secrets about cheating is working for you, then do that. However, your relationship problems are most definitely not solved by “getting away with it.”

Even if your significant other chooses to believe your lies and not ask about your blatant secrets, he or she will still feel your emotional distance and unavailability, which is not good for your partner or your relationship. Plus, getting away with infidelity makes you more likely to cheat again in the future, which will cause your relationship to deteriorate even further.

The key to bettering your damaged relationship is not keeping what you did a secret; it’s restoring trust. Of course, relationship trust is not automatically repaired just because you’ve stopped cheating and manage to stay faithful for a certain period of time.

Instead, trust is rebuilt over time through the consistent and sometimes painful action of telling the truth.

This means you will need to tell the truth about absolutely everything, all the time, no matter what, even when you know it might upset your partner. If your partner would want to know about it, then you have to be honest about it.

Professional help

If you have a lengthy history of cheating, rather than just a single, isolated incident, you should not disclose that without professional assistance, preferably from an experienced couples counsellor. Instead of just spouting all of your dirty secrets on demand, assure your significant other that you will answer every question, but you want to do it properly and in a controlled setting, where a professional can help both of you process and understand the revelations.

Macklyn Ainembabazi, dating

Revealing that I cheated? Never! How can I start explaining that I slept with another man? There are many reasons I would decide to cheat. Maybe I wanted to get something he could not provide at that time. Revealing all this would just break his heart.

Racheal Muwereza, dating

I would open up to him since being open can facilitate his honesty as well. Even if he did something in my absence, I am rest assured that he will tell me about it. And still, I would have played my part just as the Bible says, reveal and apologise.

Jaliah Nabunya, dating

I would not reveal to him because it is very dangerous. You can never know what his reaction will be. He might even lose trust in me and there can never be love without trust. Sometimes what is not known will not cause any harm so I will keep my secret.

Dennis Ssegobe, married

I would not reveal anything since it is a confidential matter. Telling her might also result in a quarrel or a fight and loss of trust or even separation. It is better to keep quiet and keep my marriage.

Rosette Tumuhimbise, dating

I would tell him and ask for forgiveness. By telling him, my conscience will be clear and that can also strengthen his trust for me because not many people can. Saying sorry is better even if it takes him a while to forgive me.

Nickson Nishoma, single

Revealing to her might lead to a break-up. I would not love my woman to lose her trust in me because once trust is lost it is very hard to get back. And still, she might get people to beat me up as revenge.

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