UNPOPULAR: Godfrey Mutabazi is probably the most hated man in Uganda right now…forget the sim card and election time memories, there is a fresh fight. After coming out to back the government social media tax, dude is now threatening to clamp down on those bypassing the tax using VPN.
It has been a gloomy week for the Ugandan tax payer. To imagine that reknown Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg does not charge us a coin to use his platform yet some person who cannot pronounce “pythogras theorem” taxes us to use social media is shocking.
These are dire times indeed, but in VPN, we trust and believe. VPN understands our plight and will fight our wars. Thanks to its powers, the Kibiriges of this world who have never gone past Ebbz are now virtually in Mexico without a VISA or passport.
Some guys are still serving long term sentences of “blue ticks” and here you are with your social media tax. Mschewwww. Kibirige, you are free to enjoy your ‘Mexico’ in Matugga.
God will understand
In all honesty, the Shs200 tax levied on social activity was bound to piss off people. What was perceived as a joke in a speech by the President became reality as this tax went into effect at the start of July. The government thinks you guys use social media for lugambo so y’all had to be checked. Yaaawn!
For Uganda Communications Commission (UCC) boss Godfrey Mutabazi, it is just another day to be hated. He has consistently mastered the art of pissing Ugandans off everytime he tries to defend some government directive. It is probably a case of being an analog leader in a digital world. Who knows? Things pass you by very fast. It remains to be seen how far this social media tax under his watch will go.
As we part with the costliest Shs200 in history, let’s hurt ourselves some more with finding out how to be the messenger of doom, Mutabazi.
Mutabazi’s things hit you when you least expect them. You just never know when it is time for your social media accounts to start acting up or some crazy directive to be thrown in your face. No one wants the guy who shows up at your door unannounced to claim something you owe him.
Well, Mutabazi is the kind to show up at your bathroom door to claim his stuff. Like dude, have some boundaries. What about an appointment? Call me first for crying out loud. Not Mutabazi. He is coming for you at anytime of the day or night. You shall pay your dues under the warmth of a dripping towel or wet slippers. He will not be too bothered.
On a very sunny day when you need that one sweet text from your boo or that ka time you long for those mushy heart emojis, Mutabazi will crack his whip.
Social media down! Wait abi! Who does this? Only Mutabazi, the ICT guru.
To be like Mutabazi, be the chief spoiler of everything nice. Do this at your convenience, at your own time.
Be a loyal servant
Have you ever heard Mutabazi defend some of the government’s directives? Such a loyal soul to the hand that feeds him. You minions that shout on social media do not feed him so you can be sure that he will not be losing sleep over your opinions. He has even promised to fight you VPN mercenaries that are dodging taxes.
This is funny, considering the Chinese have been trying this for a decade and they have failed. He is doing this to please the man above.
We all want to show the boss we are working.
There is always that person at work who appears to be doing ‘cardio exercises’ from one office to another so that the boss notices how hard they work. Flipping through files, following their boss like a lap dog.
If your boss grabs a hiccup and you feel the need to do the same, you are walking firmly in Mutabazi’s shoes. Feel comfortable. Do not question stuff. Once the big man talks, we move. Save your questions for the end.
Imagine your knight in shining armour appears in your life to save you from the demons of unjust treatment and alas, Mutabazi attempts to fight back. Mr Mutabazi, do you know how many wars my VPN has been through? You block it as who? We are talking about a proven fighter that can sniff corruption off a government official’s dirty hands.
VPN is our hero. Thou shall not pay an illegal tax. We shall continue taking flights to Ibiza right from Muna’s rolex stall.
Mutabazi insists that you VPN mercenaries are in for a surprise. If you want to be like Mutabazi, be the guy who believes in the impossible.
Cultivate belief in yourself that you can outsmart a bunch of people who would rather die than see their Shs200 go to waste.
Well, there you have it. Go be like Mutabazi.