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How to be… Mohammed Kirumira, the maverick


Mohammed Kirumira

NO APOLOGIES: For a high-ranking police officer, Mohammed Kirumira does have quite a temper. He is the kind of man who will do things just the way he wants and will act according to how he feels in the moment, Want to know how to be like this guy?

Valentine’s Day was mid-week and while some couples were revelling in all the affection shown by their partners, others will ask themselves, “where is the love?” Like frankly, where is it? Try looking for it on WhatsApp and you will get hit with unanswered blue ticks, annoying “k” replies and unnecessary hostility in the form of “memes” and emojis. If you request for it, you are abused and if you give it, you are dragged in the mud like a rat caught in a maize granary.
Gone are the days when you sat next to someone in church and they smelt of positivity, blessings and endless promise. It is unfortunate that they now reek of hate, fitina(envy) and unsurprisingly smelly armpits. So where is this love that gets a special day celebrated annually?
One man who might not have answers either is the maverick police officer Mohammed Kirumira. After ridding the notorious crime zone in Nansana of bandits and thieves, the once famed crime buster is in hot soup. Kirumira, who came out publicly about fellow police officers conniving with criminals to terrorise the people is being accused of the same. After getting cleared some years back, the same allegations have been planted on him, like tattoos done in Uganda. Questionable!
Love is rare in this our Uganda. The police will not go to bed with him and neither will he. A divorce is imminent and it is no surprise that Kirumira filed for it. The bed has gotten colder and he wants out of police as soon as yesterday. If you want to be like Kirumira, your favourite idler’s gotcha.

‘Inspector Derrick’
Afande Kirumira became an instant hit in Nansana after bringing criminals to book as the police commander of that area. Thieves coiled in their shells and found side jobs. A job that was once lucrative became risky. Kirumira and his boys sniffed crime off the dust that formed on iron sheets. Remember how he recovered thousands of stolen phones and paraded them before journalists? He fought crime in a style akin to Inspector Derrick or the Ghost Busters.
Everytime Kirumira brought criminals to book, you got the feeling that he needed a ka soundtrack of his own playing in the background. Supernatural efforts deserve colourful recognition. Too bad his efforts were glorified by tired Luganda news reporters. Waste!
To become “supernatural” like Kirumira, work out of your skin. Beat all your workmates to office while they blame late coming on rain. But Ugandans! Overshine your ‘lazy’ bosses. Those who spend days filtering pictures to put on Facebook while falsely looking busy on their computers. Do their work, compile their reports. Be a Lionel Messi of sorts who will save the day when systems or morale is down. Your efforts should be filmed on Camera, by journalists. It is not real life, it is a movie. People need to understand that you are not just saving an institution, you are saving the world.

Resign in style
While mortals announce their resignation through formal letters, the likes of Afande Kirumira do it like ‘expendables’. Like they came out of a superhero movie. Kirumira legit addressed a press conference to announce to the world that he was stepping down from office as DPC of Buyende District, citing intrigue and malice from his boys in Police. That he had done his part and wanted to be tried fairly outside office.
Shame on you peeps who have been shelving your resignation letters in your cupboards for months.Who are you? To think that you mortals perfume your letters in polished grammar then go ahead to keep them like forbidden secrets is painful. If you are tired of the pay, the conditions, jealous workmates, walk out. Some of you just stick around for free WiFi, shame on you.
Kirumira resigns with charisma, on his balcony without a trace of fear. Guys that fought him can have his badges, he does not need them anymore. Your badges do not feed him. They are useless. No one can touch him (at least that is what we thought). You cowards can go hang. If you want to be like Kirumira, do not turn up for work. Send your supervisor a televised resignation from the comfort of your living room to remind him of your worth. You are done with them, make it known.

Your house is your kingdom
Kirumira made a “state of the nation” address at his house because that is his sanctuary. It is his kingdom, his home. It is his everything. The powers from above shall protect him from anything but a welding machine. He did not see that coming.Kirumira locked himself in his house when police came to arrest him.
The police resorted to using a welding machine to break into his house after calls for him to surrender fell on deaf ears.To be like Kirumira,get delusional enough to think that your house without burglar proofing will protect you from thieves,state machinery.Guys protect your houses.No one is safe.
Well go be like Kirumira

Twitter: @InK_era35

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