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Four One One

How to be the daring and patient Hillary Clinton




Daring: She is the only woman who has dared to run for the toppest office in the United States. Her most admirable characteristic is when she stood by her husband at a time when the world wanted to strangle him for having an affair with an intern. Ian Ford Nkera writes.

Hillary Clinton is living proof that the ‘main chick’ always comes out on top. So these Ugandan chicks who throw around utensils and pack their bags when they learn that their guy is cheating should just take a seat. It is never that serious.

When the Mr is going to exercise his loins with the hoodrats in the neighbourhood, give him transport and wish him the best. Don’t complain. No one wants to hear your noise. Be graceful because they always come back home. And if he comes back soaked in sweat, fix him dinner. Do not scorn him, pamper him. Feed his guilt and watch him bow to your every whim.

Hillary Clinton is married to the most famous cheat in the world, former US President Bill Clinton, who infamously had a fling with a one Monica Lewinsky, an intern at the White House. But interns have suffered in this world. When the world seemed to be crashing down on him, she stuck by him through it all and in return, he has supported her ever since. That is Hillary’s style.
If you want to be like her, maybe you should be a little tolerant of your Mr. Don’t poison Senketto’s food or go after his side piece Namyalo, jail subscription is free my dear.

Today, Hillary Clinton is the main chick in Bill’s life and also in the US presidential election. She stands in the way of America’s biggest scumbag Donald Trump and hopefully she wins in the forthcoming elections. If you love her vibe and wanna be like her, here is your manual:

Be overly ambitious
Hillary is running for president of USA while some of you choose to run your mouth everyday. It is a case of priorities and willpower. She becomes the first woman in the history of the US with guts to run for presidency. And she has done it twice, first against Obama and then that other psychopath guy.

Since the 1970s, she has been kicking it with the guys in politics and every single time, she has managed to come out on top. To be like Ms Clinton, you should not settle for less. Look beyond that boring bank teller job that you have had for five years. Can you peep through your boss’ office? If you just did, that is where you should be.

Work your way into that office or you can as well just throw him out physically. Some chicks are so ambitious that they will work their way into the boss’ bedroom for a ka promotion.
Control yourself. Always look up even when chaps like Trump are there to mess things up.

The ‘Good Wife’
Hillary never left Bill even after the chap made a nuisance of himself and slept around with his intern. Women around the world urged her to ditch the love rat but no, she stuck by the guy. But wait, who ever thought that guy would ever sniff elsewhere? Chap had this innocence about the way he looked. Anyway, Hillary did not listen to anything.

Some chicks will let you off the hook but others will get all dramatic and shove your mistakes down your face. They will pack almost everything and leave your house with just a flower vase. If your man’s cheating ways are too much for you, start by playing blind to his phone. Ignore the calls of the devil to touch his phone. What you do not know will not harm you. Do not question him about the hot girl on his wallpaper; she could be anyone. Do not do the digging. Act dumb, look pretty and devour all his savings. That cheating bastard!

Hillary, the blondie
Hillary is a Yale Law graduate and was named among the top 100 lawyers in the US in 1988. Top brains right? Very brilliant brains that somehow could not realise that you do not communicate information about the state using a private email. This happened when she was still Secretary of State. Like honestly, who does that? Everyone hates the US and would be glad to hack into their emails. She gave the countries’ enemies a gift.

To be like Hillary Clinton, you would have to be like those chicks with good grades but puffy brains. You know the kind who forget to log out their Facebook accounts then come out crying to the world when stuff goes south mbu their accounts were hacked. Mschewwww. You are simply not smart enough.
Well, there you have it. Go be like the Democratic Party presidential hopeful, Hillary Clinton.
Disclaimer: This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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