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Four One One

How to be ‘Future’ FLOTUS Melania Trump


THE MODEL ONE. Melania Trump could just be United State’s First Lady. The wife of the Republican candidate for the US presidential elections due November has in the past month caused a storm, first by delivering a speech that has traces of another speech delivered eight years ago, and most recently for racy photos taken before she met the billionaire Trump. You want to be like Melania? Ian Ford Nkera tells you how.

Donald Trump could realistically be the next President of the United States of America after President Barack Obama bows out. Father in heaven, help us. Is there anything that could be possibly worse than having Trump as President? Yes, being married to him would rank highest.
It would bode on insanity to be married to Donald Trump, let alone spend the rest of your life with him. It would be suicide. The larger than life ego, the outbursts, the insensitivity, the take-no-prisoners attitude. It would be like having your honeymoon in a guesthouse in Mogadishu. That would be a BLAST, only that it would be a blast at your esteem and character. It doesn’t matter that the guy is a billionaire. He is a psycho, period!
So Melania Trump who signed a ‘death warrant’ by saying “I Do” to him has surely got to be the bigger psycho. I know some Kampala chics who would have married the late Al-Qaeda leader bin Laden for dimes. They believe their life would have been the ‘BOMB’ and I am sure it would have, literally. I’ll give Melania Trump the benefit of the doubt. She was probably in love with the guy. LOL. Well, the stunning supermodel from Slovenia might just be the next First Lady of the US (hmmm and Donald Trump says he hates immigrants, the irony). Unfortunately, we won’t forget her speech during one of Donald Trump’s campaigns which was absurdly copied from one given by Michelle Obama in 2008. Wanna be like Melania Trump, here is your guide:

Your neighbour knows best, don’t sleep on jobo
Many of us survived on past papers. Whatever our brothers did well, we did the same or better.Don’t die in your movie when you can take a peep into your neighbour’s work. Put that neck to use and reprint someone’s knowledge. For a second, we shall forget how dumb you are. To be like Melania Trump, you can start by wearing your elder sister’s clothes when she isn’t around. Be the chic that shows up to dates in someone else’s clothes. (kla chics do this a lot) If you can steal someone’s clothes, you can surely steal confidence from wherever. Exude confidence people. Take notes from many chaps around town who show up for dates in their friend’s cars, swinging car keys and ‘owning’ them with confidence. False confidence, maybe. If you are going to steal someone’s look, do it calculatively. Don’t get a Winnie Nwagi- favoured dress when you have an Alex Muhangi body type. That would be an own-goal.

Sometimes just look smart and don’t try to talk smart
Babe is hot, jeez. At 46, she hasn’t suffered the severe side effects of having Donald Trump as her husband. She still looks young and her body is toned. As an ex-supermodel, looking good should come naturally. She will be Donald Trump’s biggest consolation if he loses the presidential election. She dresses elegantly and looks classy. If her husband wins, she will be a style icon, that’s for sure. To be like Melania Trump, choose a life in the background, but illuminate the room with your style when you come out. Melania has been known to be reserved, letting her husband grab all the headlines. If you are not sure about your intellect, don’t speak. Some people are only good to look at, that’s all. You don’t want them speaking and embarrassing you. Melania was doing fine until she was forced to fake some inspirational speech. Babe had to do ‘winter’ on Michelle’s speech and we all know how that panned out. Sometimes all a pretty face should do is…..well, just stay a pretty face. We don’t ask much. Some hot chic must be reading this and wondering who Melania Trump is. You will be fine my dear.

Be a hardcore shock-absorber
Melania Knauss Trump has been married to Donald Trump for 11 years. I can’t even stand Donald Trump in a thought or a dream. He is that unbearable. I respect Melania for this. You would have to take so much BS to be like Melania. Some will say that a heavy bank account will heal any girl’s pain. This could be true but guys like Donald can be a pain no amount of money can erase. Ladies, learn to hang in there. Compromise banange. Don’t chill a guy because he called you fat. You are moving here and there. What are you looking for? Network. Be steady and hope the situation will change. Chics these days will leave just before the Yaka metre goes to zero. Ohh God save us
There you go. You can now be like Melania Knauss Trump
Disclaimer: This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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