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Four One One

How to be… the thoughtful Santa Claus


Gifting season. Has Santa Claus visited you yet or are you sad today. Worry not, maybe this will have one person think about you and make your festive season. Ian Ford Nkera guides on how to be like the good old Santa Claus and buy the perfect (some not-so-perfect) gifts.

You are a grown up man who is employed with a high-paying job and while you are quick to impress your new catch with the latest gadgets, your beloved mother will not be expecting any gift from you this Christmas. Be ashamed of yourself. The idea of gifts is a little alien in our culture but thankfully, some Ugandans are starting to embrace it.
Gifts bring lots of excitement regardless of the occasion and to many people, it is a clear indication that you are valued by someone. Gifts sometimes remind us of our true friends and that is why a person who gives you a deodorant on your birthday truly loves you. They are not necessarily sending out a message.
This Christmas, you have the chance to play Santa Claus and put a smile on your loved one’s face. If you want to be Santa Claus and give your mother a huge surprise this Christmas, it is not too late. Here is your guide:


Gift for your mother
No Mothers Union. I would like to believe this is obvious but in case you are one of the few who are not educated enough; you do not wrap ‘mothers union’ knickers in a nice bag and wish your mother a Merry Christmas. She will exterminate you from the universe. Also, getting your 60-year-old mother lingerie might not be a classy thing to do. I am not too sure if she will be so pleased because that spells perversion in the most extreme forms.
If you wish to surprise your mother, do something sweet like cooking for her or taking her out to a secret location for dinner. Buy her something nice she could use in the kitchen or get her a beautiful dress.
If you want to be like Santa and make your mum’s Christmas a special one, deliver the perfect gift of a grandchild or a promise for a wedding. Do I see a bachelor flipping to the next page? God is watching you.
A gift for your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend
There is a guy I know who says since his girlfriend is from a wealthy family and seems to have everything she wants, he sees no reason to buy her anything. Do not be foolish like him. It is the effort that counts and if by Christmas you have not bought a nice gift for her, your roles as a boyfriend should be outsourced.
If you are going to play her secret Santa and wow her off her feet, you will have to try a little harder. It is not too late to take her on a surprise romantic gate away. This move could see you cement your place in her heart but could also mean that you will have a miserable January.
Your savings might take a serious hit but a man has got to do what he is got to do. No lamenting. Give her an engagement ring as the gift of a lifetime. Someone’s daughter is fat beyond recognition because of the three wonderful children she has given you and you still do not have the courage to wife her up. Man up already. If you don’t have dimes this Christmas and your boo is not the understanding type, I know a couple of new dating sites that I can recommend for you.

A gift for a friend, workmate or relative
Santa Claus does not discriminate. If you are going to do a good job being Santa Claus, this might be the right time to get your ugly cousin or annoying friend a gift. Shock that workmate who wants your job with something nice. A gift of a rope to hang themselves would be ideal but because we are in the Christmas season, a gift of an evening out to shake off the beef would come in handy. There is no better time to call a truce than this season, so do it. If you are going to be like Santa Claus, go ahead and take your loved ones some nice gifts.
Otherwise, enjoy your festive holiday.


This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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