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The acute angle : The village Xmas

Common sense should be able to tell you that gonja and muchomo of all kinds are a must have as you speed off to the countryside for Christmas. They are more like companions. If you are heading to Masaka or Mbarara from Kampala and that Lukaya food activity doesn’t slow you down or tickle your nostrils, you clearly have flu and should seek medical advice.
Lukaya is that point where Christmas is officially flagged off. It’s where your taste buds get activated for many days of irresponsible eating and it’s also the birthplace of nuisances like diarrhea and his twin Mr Worms.
The excitement on the faces of locals when you arrive can’t be missed. It doesn’t matter whether you sell tomatoes in the heart of Kampala or vend second hand clothes in Owino, these guys will embrace you. Anyone from Kampala brings good fortune so you can be sure to be treated with as much pomp as the area MP.
Ofcourse they might see you make a quick dash to a nearby bush as the situation in your stomach gets a little uncomfy but not to worry. The village folks don’t judge much. It’s all love from everyone as the family uses this time to catch up over steak or beer. It’s a time to reminisce the good times and celebrate life unless you are a veteran bachelor. These ones dread Christmas. It’s never easy having to explain to elders that you still want to live out another year as a single man. For the ladies, it is even worse. It’s almost blasphemous to be strutting your hips around in your ‘pum pum’ shorts without any trace of a man that wants your hand in marriage. The marrieds are the most glorified as they bring joy to their parents with a bunch of cute grandchildren running around.
Christmas Day will have the Kampala group sit at the front row in church, then the parish priest will start an auctioning exercise to raise money for a church cause and you can be sure that the Kampala people will be drained senseless. You fear that the priest might even auction his Bible.
Christmas has one feast after another. It’s at these family gatherings that you will notice the impossible. You are caught off guard by a malnourished child you obviously didn’t invite heaping food twice his size to the amazement of many. For the locals, these parties are a matter of life and death. They will do anything to exhaust everything from the food to the alcohol. The cool Kampala kids will comb every spot of the village for any ‘happening’ places. Actually they will be up and about looking for any phone charging spot in the trading centre as smart phones are simply pathetic in the village. Be wise and buy power banks this festive season. Taking a shower in the village is a luxury you could afford to do without. If water is going to take you a kilometre to fetch, then who needs it really?  If you are looking for some time away from your nagging boss, this might be the right time to take your family back to where it all started. And yes you can take that kid your parents know nothing about. Be responsible this Christmas.

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