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The acute angle : Waiter… more Desire, please!


On an ordinary day, the order with cash arrangement would have applied but this surely wasn’t your ordinary day. The most desirable meal up the food chain was on the house. It wasn’t clear what the Nigerian chef was thinking about, but if his actions were anything to go by, he was in a good mood. You know when you are just seated by yourself at a restaurant, broke as hell and you see a waiter rush to your table and tell you bluntly that “Desire on the House”. I honestly saw my jaw drop, literally. It’s not very often that you have Desire to yourself, and for free. I panicked but this wasn’t a meal I was going to devour on my own. I needed a battalion of thirsty and severely lustful men on the Whatsapp streets to come and feed themselves. I alerted every man on the streets about the meal so rich in protein and lean fat that it would seem like madness to miss out. Oh my word! A group of thirsty men stormed the restaurant with sweat dripping off their faces. They had heard that the ‘Desire Special’ was only reserved for the wealthy and if you were a no-body, you wouldn’t come even close. It was a moment they only dreamt of. They pumped their fists and rolled back the sleeves of their shirts. The waiter flew out of the kitchen with a hot Desire straight from the stove and threw it on the platter -the excitement! The young and old salivated as married men fought for a taste of the meal. It was sort of an extravaganza. Even the people you never expected were contacting me on the Whatsapp streets, saying, “We hear Desire is on the house, send send send”. “Who honestly knew a Desire meal was much sought after like this. The Desire before us was a well fed, exotic ‘chicken’ from the hills of Ibanda, bare with almost nothing left to hide, arousing appetites of the gullible and the visibly-starved men of Kampala. Naye Ugandans are too much. They jumped for the head, limbs and any part on display. They laughed as they shared the meal with their family. They sent the waiter for more and this time the Desire was brought in more exclusive positions. You had a Desire with legs being so far apart from each other that everyone had a part they could place their hands on. The restaurant was turned upside down and when the Desire was finished, you could see people begging for more but the Nigerian chef insisted he would cook for the people another mouthwatering meal another time. What a weekend! You never get Desire for free mbuuu. But wait, these guys served out a meal this heavy minus toothpicks? There goes our restaurants! Nice weekend guys.


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