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John Ken The Man

Ken LukyamuziLIFE IS A STAGE: To be Lukyamuzi, you must be full of drama. Ian Ford Nkera guides on how to be The Man that always gives us a good laugh

One of the biggest comedy blockbusters to have changed the face of the Ugandan movie industry was undoubtedly Behind The Yams. The short film starring our very own James Bond, John Ken Lukyamuzi, featuring Uganda Police was shot in some yam plantations on the outskirts of the city and has gone on to become one of the highest grossing movies of all time. The lead actor has gone on to feature in other blockbusters like Romance With The Tear Gas and other low budget movies like Walk To Work, which have done remarkably well on the box office. In Lukyamuzi’s eyes, life is viewed as one big theatre as his political career and personal life have never been short of antics and heartwarming humour. The Rubaga South MP, who prefers to call himself The Man, is also the Conservative Party president. So how does one become “The Man”?

Your ordinary type of guy
The Speaker of Parliament once asked Ken Lukyamuzi to declare his wealth and he showed up to Parliament with a laptop and its charger! He was quickly kicked out but you will be awestruck by his simplicity. For a man of his clout to have driven a dented first generation Toyota Carib and live in a fairly simple home, is something people will find somewhat surprising. But Lukyamuzi is certainly not a man of pomp, he will easily share a seat with his constituents at any kafunda. To be like Lukyamuzi, you should be like the groom that takes a taxi to his wedding ceremony. No stress.

Man of all seasons
After Ken Lukyamuzi was kicked out of Parliament, many people wrote his obituary as they thought that The Man would never recover from his political woes. He quickly sent out a carbon copy of himself in his daughter Susan Nampijja to guard his seat while he was on a forced leave of sorts. The legislator in his signature comical style announced his comeback by contesting for the Rubaga South seat and winning with a landslide to shame his critics. Lukyamuzi always finds a way of rising out of the ashes at all times. Never back down no matter the circumstances.

Ken the coward
Where there is a demonstration, you can almost be sure to find Lukyamuzi and where there is riot police to tame that demonstration, you will never find Lukyamuzi. He is very invisible when trouble ensues. Police have on many occasions arrived on time to arrest Lukyamuzi but still remain amazed at how he whisks himself away to safety. Police once did the unthinkable to search yam plantations only for Lukyamuzi to secure his safety under the yam stems and survive their wrath. To be this guy, you must be a commander who leads his troops from behind.

Mr sharp guy
Lukyamuzi is definitely a smart politician who has a way of keeping the love of his constituents alive and burning. On hearing that plans to construct a road in his constituency are in their advanced stage, The Man will go on hunger strike to have that same road fixed. A few days later constituents will see graders on their way and, of course, have only one man to thank. He will be seen as the guy fighting for the common people with all these campaigns he spearheads so anyone would be mad to stand against him in his constituency. Lukyamuzi is like Mr Hare with a new trick up his sleeve to stay relevant in the game of politics.

Ken the environmentalist
Lukyamuzi is a self-professed environmentalist who has fought tirelessly for the conservation of the environment. Anything concerning the environment is a touchy issue for Lukyamuzi so much that he fought tooth and nail to have the DDT pestcide banned. He was also instrumental in the fight for Mabira forest and has since advocated for many campaigns that are in support of keeping the environment safe. In a way of making sure the wetlands were safe, he decided to build a house in a wetland, maybe to monitor it effectively. You should have that kind of passion if you are going to be like Hon Lukyamuzi.

Ken the lawyer in waiting
After being on the wrong side of the law for so long, Lukyamuzi decided to embark on a law course. He has taken things seriously and he is seen leaving discussion rooms in the wee hours of the night smelling of ink and hundreds of ‘summaries’ stuffed in his socks. Way to go Lukyamuzi. Be relentless in your pursuit of knowledge if you are going to be like The Man. You can leave the pension offices and limp your way to a classroom. Age is just a number people.
There you have it. You can now live like ‘The Man’ himself Hon John Ken Lukyamuzi.

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.



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