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Four One One

The life of a campus socialite

campus girlForget all these socialite wannabes, this is how you be a certified Campus socialite.

The course
The first step is, simply choosing the right course, a stress-free academic programme, including and limited to, SWASA, Arts in Arts, Poultry Management, Bachelor of Being Around Around (BBA), Human Resource Management, Catering, Tourism … and the like. These give you perfect cover to be a socialite in the name of studying … Travel and tourism, justifies your unending trips to top hot spots in the city, and hanging around bars. You can always tell your parents … “Tukola internship,” even in the middle of the semester.

Lose weight
If you have the body size of a baby hippo, my friend, you are lost. You need to have the svelte size of Judith Heard … otherwise, try your luck with some local cosmetic adverts.

To be a campus socialite, you must have myriads of retakes. It’s actually not cool to be a socialite and not have retakes, it amounts to the abominable. Socialites are cool, they don’t read, when they do, it’s for 30 minutes towards exams. And of course, socialites don’t have time for class … not at all. They’re always planning the next drink up, where to party at over the weekend and how to get a hold of the latest Samsung Galaxy s5.

This is especially for the guys. To be a socialite, you must have something that looks like a ride. Appear on campus in a UDX and even in its state of quagmire, fellow students will consider you a socialite. Even if it means pushing it half way across the road, just appearing in a ride makes you a star. Oh, and most campus socialite girls own a Vitz, never mind that it was bought by some sugar daddy. Good thing, you won’t have to spend money at the washing bay, you can wash it in your sink.

Being a campus socialite isn’t everyone’s posho! It’s not for every Tom, Dick (oops that sounds vulgar). Let’s go with Tom, David and Gloria! It carries a price. You have to own dresses supposed to be worn by your little sister- short and tight is sexy. If you have no idea what Louis Vuitton, or Prada is, give up. Socialite do labels, and not fakes like the Kyambogo babes’ D&D, instead of D&G.

What they watch
Socialites are keen viewers of E! so you must have GoTV in your room.

Your company
Socialite is class… See VIP and wanainchi don’t mix. It’s obnoxious to imagine Lord Fred Ssebatta at an All White Party. This means, “no monkey befriends swans, the ugly ducklings are not welcome to the party! Ugliness is relative, and includes financial ugliness. A broke campus socialite is a dreaming socialite. Poverty and a socialite life are enemies. You ought to be having 100k as your pocket change even if your parents are the struggling type. A campus socialite, should own an iPad, iPhone, latest galaxy and an apple laptop, you must find a way.

A socialite speaks English like a grandchild of the Queen in addition to some Francais and Espanol to scare the unsuspecting ordinary folks.

Important don’ts
1. Socialites shall not put up in halls or hostels. It’s strictly apartments.
2. Socialites shan’t drink any liqour on promotion. The level is Tequilla, Hennessy and Ciroc, even if you are not the one buying, which is most likely the case.
3. Socialites shall not watch pirated movies, it’s strictly 3D at the latest posh cinemas in town.
4. Campus socialites shall definitely not go to church, Sunday is for nursing hangover and nothing else.
5. A campus socialite shall make history. Go for a Uganda Cranes match in Namboole. Even if you can’t pay for the ticket. Bump on your jersey and take several selfies in the stadium parking lot with crazy Cranes fans. Nanti kolaring ebyafayo.

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