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Kalumba

1Aren’t savedees at-times confusing?  You see a savedee sister with a sticker on her car that reads, “If you haven’t yet accepted Jesus Christ what are you waiting for,” and you would think they are sane. But the way they drive during traffic jams would choke Jesus if he was in the co driver’s seat!

2Why is it that it’s a savedee who’s the meanest boss at work or a savedee chick that has slept with all kinds of men in town!? Which kind of Bible do these savedees read?

3Why is it that hymns in savedee churches are in weird English!? Mbu “Nearer my God to thee!” Now what does that mean? What in God’s name is thee? Please Pastor Gary Skinner don’t answer that!

4And why is that famous hymn called Tukutendereze Yesu always sung like people are drunk on Waragi? I hear….tuku… te…te…. tendereza Yesu…..! Why the…te…te…stuff!?

5Is there a ragga version of Tuku…te…te…tendereza? If not can DJ Shiru do the needful?

6Why is it that nowadays during a funeral, bu chicks (especially the office type) come like it’s a fashion show, spotting dark shades, tight bu black dresses and make-up? Do they think they are going for a Sizzaman album launch?

7And who told people that black is the colour of mourning? Banange black people we have really suffered! Do you think, my friend, that we need to get “saved” and be like our “saved” friends?

8Speaking of our savedee friends, why do they love to stress God with funny prayers? They even call such prayers mbu “prayer requests!” Why “request” for a man from God? Why don’t you just go to Silk Lounge dressed in a mini skirt?

9And why is it that when pastors preach in their bu churches they sound like their throats have tadpoles in them? They sound like Chameleone! I hear… “The lordeee wants youuuuu in his kingdommmmm!” Don’t these chaps actually scare you?

10Why does every pastor want a bigger church than he already has and the only way to get it is through asking his followers for more money every Sunday? If he wants a bigger church why doesn’t he build it himself? Mbu…”Let’s fundraise for our new home!” What new home you mufele?

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