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How to be… MC Kats

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Forever young: Peter Pan is a story about a boy that never grows up. Ian Ford Nkera guides you on how be like Mc Kats who has been a teenie for ages.

To many, Edwin Katamba aka Mc Kats is known as a serial ‘populator’ with offspring numbers believed only to be rivalled by Bobi Wine’s late father. Its believed that his populatory powers have worried statisticians and urban planners alike as they project that Uganda in future might struggle to sustain a population that will be largely made up of the Katamba lineage. The guy is that reproductive and he might not be about to stop.
More relevantly, MC Kats has established himself as the number one events MC with many international music concerts and corporate events under his belt. Having come onto the scene as an adolescent teen presenter on the hugely popular Teens Club on WBS back in the early 2000s, his star has continued to grow but sadly not his physique. MC Kats is in his late 20s but would struggle to convince anyone who didn’t know him that he is a day over 18. You want to be like the celebrated events MC, here is your guide.

Sole Mc
The diminutive MC has got to be like the only MC we have around but I could be wrong. Either the other MCs are just too bad or Mr Katamba is too good. The guy has been around for as long as I can remember and has somehow managed to remain relevant. Evidently, he puts in the work and it has duly paid off. Be the guy that discovers their niche, stick to what they believe in, grow and become the best at what they do. If someone walking in front of you drops money and you accidentally step on it then look around before you pick it, you my friend have become a thief. While this talent could be developed over time, ignore it. If you are a singer who aspires to be like Mariah Carey and your voice sounds as heavenly as Ziza Bafana’s, keep going because they told us we can be whoever we wanted to be.

Katamba Babies Home
If Weasel and Kats were ever to have a chat, you can bet these guys could only discuss about starting a babies’ home. Funding would be the only problem as these guys are rumoured to have children in every sub-county in Kampala.They have the power of numbers but Kats might have that edge. If you want to be like the legendary populator Kats, be keen to ignore the family planning stuff that goes around on radios and TVs and go fill the world. If numbers overwhelm you, start a babies’ home. Kats himself has rubbished rumours of having a football team of children and only claimed a few, but his girlfriend Fille is heavily pregnant, so we are still counting.

Forever a teenie
Mr Katamba reminds us of the times we enjoyed as teenagers. You remember how we rocked those saggy pants, Timberland boots and spoke with feigned American accents to impress girls at functions. We all thought we would make it to MTV one day, showing up at Bat Valley Primary School for coaching, with a bag that only had DVDs and sachets of waragi. Mc Kats brings back these memories in all their glory. Way into his 20s, Kats still rocks that ‘balance’ and speaks like he was born and bred in California. If you want to be like him, hijack a teen somewhere at Centenary Park and ask him for directions to a skinny jeans dealer’s shop. You won’t be disappointed.

Mix work with pleasure
Let’s keep it professional they said. Get the hot secretary, employ her and strike up a good work relationship. Obviously pretend that nothing they do from a new hair-do to a clothes make over moves you. Give the impression that you are only about the work but when work gets a little hectic and Miss hot secretary has to bring you coffee in your office, tell the whole world that the two hours she spends in your office thereafter were just for you two to discuss business. Now who mentioned anything about Fille?? But Ugandans.
Kats The Manager
Just recently, MC Kats ventured into management and his first signing was a former talented church singer, Fille Mutoni.The partnership has seen the new fresh faced artiste excite us with some hits which goes on to highlight Kats managerial qualities. He has also managed her welfare pretty well. The singer who was visibly lean when she started out has ‘put on some weight’ especially around the belly. Oba which ‘food’ does Kats take to her bedroom at night?? Over to you Mr Katamba. Be the guy who manages his clients so well that any weight gain will have you introduced to her family.
There you have it. Go be like MC Kats.

DISCLAIMER
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.

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