Naija man: Not every Nigerian is a bad man, but they have got a bad name the world over, and singer Desire Luzinda’s ex doesn’t help matters, writes Ian Ford Nkera
Can you imagine when the whole world expects you to be rotting in some Interpol prison yet in reality, you are on a rooftop of some skyscraper enjoying ‘fufu’ with your fat friend? It’s called bliss, ladies and gentlemen. The kind Nigerian national and ex-boyfriend of shamed singer Desire Luzinda, Mr Franklin Emuobor Ebenhron, must be feeling at the moment after wrongful news about his arrest was spread in the media by Fr Simon Lokodo,The Minister of Ethics and Integrity.
According to the video footage that made rounds on social media showing Franklin attacking Fr Lokodo for his ridiculous arrest claims, we can confirm that Franklin Emuobor is a very free and happy man. Do you remember the saucy nude pics of Desire Luzinda that leaked? He was the guy behind the lens taking the pics and the same guy who generously broadcast them to the world. I am sure dozens of Ugandan men would have wanted to switch places with him that night. Franklin surely has the roadmap of every stretch mark and cellulite designed on Desires body. His eyes have seen quite a lot. He is also one good example why Ugandan women would be mad to date Nigerian men. If you want to risk being like Franklin, I will show you how:
Be a typical Nigerian
If you are going to be a Nigerian, I don’t mean that you should have a Nigerian passport and hail from Abuja but become Nigerian by virtue of character. Be like the stereotype of Nigerians being shady characters. This means that if all your dealings are fishy, you are off to a good start. You must fake everything from your existence to your death in order to achieve sinister plans and of course this can’t be done alone. If you are lucky to run into a not so intelligent impressionable Ugandan woman preferably a singer who is desperate for cash injection, convince her to do everything you want like even taking off her clothes. She will think its love yet to you, it’s just business. Thats how Nigerians work.
Don’t allow to be outsmarted
Oga Franklin couldn’t just accept that a Ugandan girl would try to deplete his savings and dump him fwaaa. Imagine the Ugandan woman would use his money to facilitate her career and also use his money to bankroll her bed hopping extracurricular activities. Unlike any Nigerian who would opt for traditional herbal chemistry, he chose to share something more intimate; pics of her ‘things’ to the world and the world feasted on her nudity like hungry wolves. Before you start kwanaring these bu girls who come craving for hair money, invest in smartphones that should allow you to take good footage of them in their birthday suits. If they start whining about how they are done with you, have a full folder of pics with their ‘busegu’(read nudity) to share with their sengas after all sharing is caring.
Ignore cheap talk
Oga Franklin is one person who will confidently tell you that he is happy and free enjoying Naira in Lagos. Guy was forced to release a video showing that he was having the time of his life contrary to reports that he was cellmates with some rodents somewhere in an interpol prison. If you want to be like Oga Franklin, you must be ready to ignore all the cheap talk of haters. Even when all your kids have a striking resemblance with your neighbour Kakeeto’s kids, ignore the whispers and believe all that is just one big coincidence and enjoy life. Who cares if people are gossiping about your boss visiting your apartment at 11pm? The guy could have been picking his phone charger that he forgot at office. Ignore people and their gossip.
You must be heartless
To be like Oga Franklin, you would have to be something close to a zombie. You shouldn’t have a single drop of blood flowing through your veins or even a heart pumping in your chest. Being like Oga Franklin will require you to find sharing nudies of a mother as casual as sharing a song via Bluetooth. Even when your auntie goes to the bathroom and drops that towel, do something as casual as peeping through a keyhole and watch your mini movie. It’s probably something Franklin would do so you could take heed.
There you go. Be like Franklin Emuobor Ebenhron.
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not neccesarily be an objective assessment of the individual.