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How to be Augustine ‘return to sender’ Yiga

THE PASTOR AND THE CAT.  In an expose on fake pastors recently, Pastor Yiga defended his dealings while a non-blinking cat rested on his office table. Probably the most freaky thing – even freakier than the fact that he can make the lame walk again – you will ever see. Still surprised? Well, here is our guide on how to be Augustine Yiga.

Uganda has its fair share of shady pastors and quite often, controversial.
Pastor Augustine Yiga of Revival Christian Church, Kawaala has been accused of being one. It’s partly because scandal trails this guy like a plague. Just think of any bad story about the church and you can be sure that it has a shocking headline with Pastor Yiga in it. Amid all this, he still commands a huge following at his church and on his Television shows.
Yes, people follow him like the clueless ‘sheep’ that they are.If your Pastor chases more skirts than you bro, its high time you looked for another church.
When God sent us to go out in the world and sow weeds of love to the world,some guys like Pastor Yiga could have taken it alittle too literally.
A few ladies from his church have come out to claim that he sired their children and vanished,as if the “Holy Ghost”.But some pastors are shameless,to be honest. And the clincher here is that apparently he stages miracles at his church.
As much as we all know about many pastors doing this, it never sinks in, ever. The mere thought of a pastor paying someone to act mad or disabled is sheer nuts.But in this country where sugar is at 8,000/=,you can’t rule out anything.
Anyway,Pastor Yiga aka Abizzaayo continues to do his thing like a boss. Whoelse in their right mind would conduct a TV interview with a cat seated on the office table? Well he did. No chills whatsoever. To be like the controversial pastor, here is your guide

Miracle man
They don’t call him “Abizaayo (returns evil spirits to the sender) for nothing.
He casts out spirits from the possessed, heals the sick and brings wealth. He even returns estranged lovers to the heartbroken so some of you should save us your tears.
He fixes everything as long as you believe in God mbu. The guy might even see you out of your endless SIM registration hustles if you approach him. Well, registration ishhh has become that annoying. For Pastor Yiga, miracles can’t look spectacular unless they are rehearsed. The ‘disabled’ go through drills for weeks to make the work of the Lord flawless. Spirits will not leave someone’s body unless they are cast out with the power of the cheque book or lunch. Some of these guys simply want a lunch pack before they can strip and run around mad for another of those miracle ‘skits’. People are that desperate . The guys who go to these pastors for money are the ones who amuse me. To be like Pastor Yiga, perform some kind of miracles. But well, if you’ve survived in this economy, you are already a miracle worker and if you can keep a girlfriend in this era of 8k sugar, you are simply anointed. You might need to share a few tips too. To be like Yiga, get space in your backyard, look for the most troubled people in your neighbourhood and sell them hope. Carry out acting auditions and play out an Ebonies-esque drama of miracles and voila, you are in business.

Controversy
Controversy in Ugandan churches is fashionable. Pastors do so many things that it no longer surprises anyone. Make a mistake and sit with your girlfriend or wife at the front of some of these quack churches and I can assure you that any form of eye contact from the pastor could get her pregnant. They call you ‘children of God’ yet they actually see ‘children of God’ growing inside of you. Beware gents. Some of these pastors don’t play. Pastor Yiga has been accused of getting too friendly with the ladies in his church during counselling sessions. He has also been accused of paying people to stage miracles and demanding for money from his people for special prayers. Yiga’s controversies and bizarre stories just never end. If you want to be a controversial figure whose name is constantly discussed in tabloids, make your way to some of those extreme makeshift churches in the suburbs and wow them. Make noise about the gospel and chaps will believe that you have God on speed dial. When they start seeing you as their Messiah on earth, zips can now break-loose. Run like Usain Bolt immediately those church girls begin catching feelings. Cause trouble nomatter what.
Pastor Yiga continues to do “God’s work” even when he is heavily criticized. He works so hard that he even allows his Personal Assistant to sit on his table and work with him. Not the way you think,perverts.I mean his intimidating fat cat.Woahhh that kinda surprised me too.
Anyway there you have it. Go be like Pastor Augustine Yiga.

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