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You know it’s a Ugandan election when…

Uganda Votes

Uganda Votes

That’s so ug. Our neighbours Kenya went to the polls last week and Uhuru Kenyatta was voted president. We have heard our own share of elections. Ian Ortega takes a look

1.The number of votes a winner gets from the constituency are more than the number of voters.

2. You know the winner and their percentage even before the elections.

3. A candidate fails to get a vote from the polling station where they voted.

4. Sweets, sugar, envelopes and airtime are free before elections.

5. The opposition rejects the elections before they are conducted and later goes on to participate.

6. A bachelor candidate sleeps so much and forgets to vote for himself.

7. The seventh candidate also rejects the election results.

8. Children also participate in the elections and under 18s are returning officers.

9. A candidate fails to find their name of the ballot paper.

10. Animals like cows and goats also line up to vote for presidency.

11. The face on the ballot paper is different from that of the candidate.

12. The dead also resurrect and participate in elections.

13. People make up their minds on whom to vote for at the polling station.

14. You don’t go to vote but you still find your name ticked as one of those that turned up to vote.

15. A voter appears twice on the register.

16. Two tallying centres are in the country, one belonging to Electoral Commisiion and another to an opposition party.

17. You can vote before the day of the elections.

18. You buy fried cassava and a ballot paper is used to pack the cassava.

19. In Karamoja, people are not aware of the election and the name of the incumbent.

20.  People close their eyes, then tick for a presidential candidate.

21. Ballot papers have sex and multiply in the ballot box.

22. Someone is declared the winner but another person gets sworn in.

23. You have some contestants being declared winners by Electoral Commission even before the completion of vote counting and in other places winners taking a month to be declared winners.

24. The opposition fails to get a single vote in an army barracks.

25.  A candidate goes with his family of two wives, four children and a maid but fails to get a vote from that polling station.

26. You find ballot papers in the ballot box before the voting day.

27. Results from Kotido and Gulu arrive in 30 minutes but those of Kampala take hours to reach the Electoral Commission at Jinja Road.

28.  When you get a phone message as you are about to cast your vote saying: “Are you sure about what you are doing, tick the man with a hat…”

29. A son campaigns for another candidate yet his father is one of the candidates. (Talk of real democracy).

30. When an American, a European, an Asian can cast a vote.

31. Votes can be bought and sold.

The Bottom line is: Uganda’s technology is more advanced. Our elections are always free and fair, very transparent. They so transparent that you can see the winner throwing a victory party even before the voting stops.

  • DoneCan Atwoki

    LOL! so true, every single bit of it!

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