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How to be…Venansius Baryamureeba


Road to 2016. There is a joke going around on WhatsApp: A picture of Prof Barya’s rally where all gathered are children That is how pitiful people think of him running for president. Ian Ford Nkera writes about the former Makerere University Vice Chancellor and guides his fans on how to be like him.
All successful and ambitious people have been called mad at some point because their vision is not usually shared by many people in the beginning. I am more than glad to call Prof Barya ‘mad’ for nursing the thought of being president of Uganda.
The whole idea of Prof Barya being president simply does not click with me and many other people (I assume). It is one thing to have Vicks Kingo dreaming of the presidency but then with Prof Barya, it is like watching a badly scripted comedy. You want to laugh but you cannot laugh. It is a confusing situation
The former vice chancellor of Makerere University definitely punched above his weight with this one. Much as his intentions for this country are honest, this is just not for him. He should have stuck to dealing with university students, but he has to go through the hustle of convincing even one kalooli (marabou stock) to show up at his rallies. Tough world it is!
If you ever wanted to be like our latest presidential aspirant, Prof Venansius Baryamureeba, here is your guide:


Rags to riches
Barya clawed himself out of poverty to become one of the few professors in Uganda who can afford a flashy lifestyle. You all know that poverty where even poor people pity you and call you poor… that is the kind of background Barya hails from.
If you want to be like Barya, it is going to take a lot of belief to shrug off the burden that comes with being a poor child in some village in Ibanda to become successful.
Be ready to be the villager houseboy who is not allowed to be near the rich man’s children. Be ready to be called “local”, “useless” and paid peanuts. Be ready to start small by renting on the Bwaise shores then to Kasubi before graduating to Kawempe and finally to Bunga. Be ready to work your way up from teaboy to CEO. It is a long and painful journey, so take the plunge.

Be ambitious
Prof Barya has always been ambitious. I can tell you that the guy was about to build a spaceship at Makerere before he was thrown out. It is almost a sin to do good in this country. People will do anything in their power to fail you but for some reason, Prof Barya has always fought on. It is this exaggerated self belief that has pushed him to believe that he can lead a country. To be like Prof Barya, be the child that wanted to be a pilot as a child, still wants to be a pilot as an adult and will stop at nothing to become a pilot. Be focused enough to want your boss’ job.
Look at him, admire him, but have it in your mind that you would look better in his chair.
The problem is that Ugandans are only ambitious when they hear that you buy two beers and get one free. A Ugandan chap will show more ambition in trying to woo a woman who does not want him than use it for productive things.

Lonely president
Bambi our future president. Imagine going for campaign rallies and the only supporters you have are the bursars from your university, a bunch of lecturers, your wife, children and probably Bob the cat from your home. It must be disheartening. Prof Barya will probably be like those Jehovah’s Witnesses who knock on gates but get sent away without delivering their message.
If you want to be like Prof Barya, be like that guy in school who was always alone and no one cared about him. Remember him? The guy everyone laughed at and looked at with pity. Be that guy. Those guys eventually got one or two friends, so who knows?
Prof Barya could get his first supporter attending his rally this week or the next but I guess we would have to recall the name of his party. Right?
There you go. If the guy inspires you, go ahead and be like Prof Venansius Baryamureeba.

This is a humour column and the views expressed herein may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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