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How to be… the rebellious Pr Ngabo

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Opposition sympathiser? He was once quoted saying Tubonga Naawe artistes will rot in their houses for supporting Museveni… well, not so pastor-like words, but that is what makes Pastor Happy Ngabo the man that he is. Ian Ford Nkera guides on how you can be like the FDC preacher.

The Forum for Democratic Change (FDC) party members have for the past few months been converging at their offices in Najjanankumbi for weekly prayers every Tuesday to “mourn the situation in Uganda”. The prayers have been dubbed ‘Black Tuesdays’ and are part of the ‘Free My Vote’ campaign meant to protest the results of the February 18 general elections among other things.

These prayers were spearheaded by a fiery pastor called David Happy Ngabo, who claims to be a Desmond Tutu or Nelson Mandela of sorts. He has been very critical of the government and his reputation in public has grown over the past few weeks.

As usual, Kayihura’s boys came in time to steal his shine and take him into police custody for a chat. You all know how our police can be. They are like some love drunk clingy boyfriend all up in his girlfriend’s nostrils asking her about where she has been. They won’t rest until you come with them. We are convinced the police wouldn’t frighten the pastor because of his history as a child soldier during the 1980 Luweero war that brought the NRM into power.

The pastor is said to have enjoyed a cordial relationship with then rebel leader Museveni in the bush until things changed. So if you want to be like Pastor Happy Ngabo, here is your guide:

Be brave and have belief
While Black Tuesdays to you could mean a meal of black tea and cassava tubers at the staff canteen every Tuesday, not all hope is lost. The future might look bleak but not for long.

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Face everyday with the grit of a soldier. It does not matter if your office crush chanced on you munching on cassava with no drink. This should not worry you .The problem is that many young chaps will pocket a whole tuber when they see their crush, as if hiding evidence. Eat that thing because times will change and things will get better. All you have to do is believe and pray.
Pastor Ngabo has been preaching about the ills of this country and how they will all come to pass. Do young people pray often? That is a tough one but I guess only when they are picking their HIV results. It is at this point that people even speak in tongues. I am sure even God gets irritated with their pleas.

Be a fox in the wild
It is interesting how children who used to be loving and charming end up going rogue, all in the name of growing up and finding their path. As children, they run into your arms and want to play every game with you. You become their father figure until they hit adulthood.
It is at that point a parent becomes useless. They will even tell him that life is lived in the present and not in the past. You won’t tell them anything and all of a sudden, they start to have opinions. They begin to mingle with all sorts of hoodlums, some of whom could be called the FDC.
Thereafter, a life full of jail cells and turmoil becomes the order of the day. You doubt me? Just look at how Pastor Ngabo has turned out. Once a Museveni loyalist, but now a strong critic of Sevo and his establishment.
To be like Pastor Ngabo, you should have the blood of indigenous foxes in Lake Mburo National Park flowing through your veins. You know the kind that makes you look at your father as a hero one day and an enemy the next. It is called the Judas-Effect. You have it, I have it and Ngabo has it.

Fake pastor?

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Don’t you just love our pastors? They pick a Bible and pick out those catchy verses before they send demons packing with one swing of their hand. They are all-powerful and with God fighting their battles, they look too invincible.
They move crowds with their sermons and if you are a doubter, you will believe the power of God. Pastor Ngabo is of a different calibre. He made some unmoving remarks sometime back saying, “Tubonga Naawe artistes will rot in their houses for following Sevo.” Like seriously, who even says that?
To be like Pastor Ngabo, you can work on making everyone believe that you are a pastor and when your mouth betrays you, let them know it was just an act. We shall all just laugh and forget about everything.
There you are. If you see this guy as a perfect role model, go ahead and be like Pastor Happy Ngabo.

DISCLAIMER
This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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