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How to be…the perfect valentine


For your love… It is that time of the year again when cupid’s arrow strikes and you have no choice but to impress your partner. So instead of plotting how to disappear on sunday, Ian Ford Nkera guides on how you can be the perfect valentine.
Valentine’s Day is upon us ladies and gentlemen. While it may just pass as another normal day to some people, Valentine’s Day means quite a lot to other people. It is that one day where love takes centre stage and everything else ceases to matter. On this day, every person expects to be shown love in some sort of way by the people they care about the most.
It is sad though that the expectations to put up a show in the name of love can almost make someone run mad. The TV and radio adverts create a frenzy that can potentially frighten many couples. The veterans in this Valentine’s Day thing are desperate to find new creative ways to surprise their partners while newbies lose sleep over what gift to buy, where to take her, blah blah blah.
It can be the most beautiful day or turn out to be the worst, depending on how you play it out. If your potential date has not asked you out already, there is a slim chance they will. But hey, even Mabirizi believes he can be president, so there is still hope.
If you wish to bring your A-game and become the Perfect Valentine on Sunday, here is your guide;

There is no rule written in stone that everything you wear has to be red. Obviously red blends well with the Valentines theme but no one will be crucified for choosing another colour. Guys, you can undo many good years of a relationship with a red trouser or red blazer. Please watch out because she wants a date, not a circus clown.
Avoid clothes that hint you are a UPC stalwart or anything of that sort. Leave the baseball cap at home. Give the day the serenity it deserves people.Ladies, if you are going to be the perfect Valentine for your date, ignore the temptation of a red weave or those hideous colours. You are not a flower vase. Trust me ladies, the proposal you have long waited for won’t come when you are walking around looking like an ice cream flavour (strawberry or vanilla). You can still be sexy and classy while maintaining a simple look.

Put your phones down for just that day people. Dude takes this chick out but she just won’t keep her eyes and fingers off her phone. Behave ladies! The guy is probably looking at his entire salary on your plate so the least you can do is pretend to listen to what he is saying. Be honest with yourself.
If a fork and knife are simply not your thing, type away. You won’t be slandered for this, unless of course, it is the first date. If it is the first date, my prayers are entirely with you because there is no escape route for that one. Maybe if you are planning to feign a heart attack. If he is planning to take you out for sushi, kindly decline or suggest another spot.
And yes, we all know it is good to make the guy buying you dinner feel like he has a sense of humour, but bursting out in laughter with gallons of saliva spraying on your neighbours is a no-no. And please, do not laugh in vernacular. Do not carry your Kireka salon laughter to some high-end hotel.
To be the perfect valentine, either of you can pick the bill. It is not an act of treason for ladies to “insist” on clearing the bill. The onus is on you. Oh, and before I forget, kindly do not get drunk and zoned out on Valentines of all days. At least give her the confidence that you can afford to be sober for once in your life.

Keep convos warm
We all know that person who wants to bring stuff from the past into the present hence killing the mood. So what if he cheated last week, be glad that he is willing to start over.
To be the perfect Valentine, talk about future plans while keeping it fun. It is funny how people go to dates and lose words completely. It ain’t an exam, so loosen up.
If you are on a first date, be a perfect Valentine and not brag about your wealth. Ladies find it sickening. You find a guy whose entire face reads “LOANS”, bragging about.
And if your gut tells you that you are not the funniest person alive, do not force jokes. We all can’t be funny. Basic conversation never killed anyone. If your date is boring you to death, be creative by doing crazy stuff. Dance on tables if you must but do not allow that investment to just go to waste. Also, do not discuss exes. Valentine’s Day is not a good day to discuss the ‘dead’.
So, there you go. Celebrate love by being the perfect Valentine.

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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