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How to be… the no-nonsense Jennifer Musisi


KCCA bosslady: She is probably the most popular woman in Kampala, and no – not for scandals or anything else, but for bringing sanity to the city, and of course – the curves! Jennifer Musisi is a woman most chicks should be looking upto. The vendors and some of those City Hall councillors may beef her, but here is how Ian Ford Nkera sees it.

KCCA Executive Director Jennifer Musisi has gotten tongues wagging these past few weeks over some photos on social media that appeared to show her visibly-curvaceous body. Dirty old men have been caught almost walking into their smart phones in awe of her shapely frame. The younger ones have been more suggestive and wishful. They could only dream their 20-something-year-old girlfriends could measure up.
The FACO allegations have rung loud but nothing louder than the ‘hyena’ groans from across the streets of thirsty Ugandan men. It does not matter that their unlikely prey is a happily married woman a little over 50. They will still rate their chances. And while her recent viral photos could have broken the Internet, Musisi’s only worry is how she will make Kampala a clean and modern city – that is all.


She has raffled a few feathers though while doing her work behind close doors, the Lord Mayor Erias Lukwago being the most renowned casualty. Many businessmen and politicians have been angered by her style of work and threatened her countless times.
She, however, never seems too bothered and continues to focus on her work.
In case you want to be like her, prepare to lose a couple of friends. That is a given. Here is your guide:


No nonsense Jennifer
If you thought Jennifer Musisi or her KCCA squad were a bunch of jokers, take time to see how street vendors react on seeing anyone in that dreaded KCCA uniform. Those Karimojong chicks with clusters of bananas fade through Kampala walls in record speed. No one sticks around to find out if those chaps want to make friends. They run after you, with orders from Madam Musisi.
If you thought she is Jenny From The Block, wait till she brings down the block. Remember those businessmen who thought Musisi was joking about bringing down their buildings that were put up illegally? They believed.


To be like Jennifer Musisi, you do not even have to be the head of any of Kampala’s top organisations. Simply have the talent to spot the ego of any person fattening and squash it on sight. And by the way, this is not a rally call for you to be big-headed. We know how you Ugandan chicks be.
Just live by principles and always follow the law unless you are a vendor of course. It is your job description to run from KCCA authorities. For now, sell whatever you want on the streets until you see some fat chaps disembarking a pick-up. Wait, how many vendors even read?


Be cool-headed
Jennifer Musisi is a lot different from what the media portrays her to be. She is actually calm and soft spoken, even in the heat of pressure from the public and with all these politicians stressing her. It is an admirable trait though most times, you cannot trust a woman who is soft spoken and generally a quiet person.
A woman who does not make noise to drive her point home is probably nursing a toothache. No chick wants to be subdued. Anti they are now empowered. Oh Jesus come save us !
Ladies, learn to be level-headed. Jennifer deals with that dynamite of a character, Erias Lukwago and a bunch of other noisy councillors, but still remains calm. She answers her critics through her work. It is pointless to attack people when you could easily come and sweep them off the streets.


If you have it, flaunt it
Lord Jesus, Nankulu has it, all of it. It is the size of City Hall or even more. She knows it too. God blessed her generously with a wonderful body. Let’s not be shy about this, at least she is not.
We all know some of you old chaps have been staring at her lustfully like some awestruck teenagers. Be humble and turn back to your less fortunate better-halves.
Ladies, if you are confident enough about your body, what are you waiting for? Package it attractively in the most suitable clothes and flaunt it. Show them what your mama gave you. If your mama was not too generous with what to give you, do not go around flaunting what you do not have. Some of you will end up shaped like a Dstv remote or worse still, an iPad.
If you still insist on getting that beach body, work out at home or hit the gym. Problem is that the only exercises some of you know is that jog from home to a fast food restaurant. Goodluck with being out of shape.
Well there you have it. Go be like Jennifer Musisi.

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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