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How to be… the free-talking Donald Trump

The new rich. Do you have enough money to brag about in you bank account? Do you have a special liking for beautiful women? Do you constantly find yourself saying things fwaa? Probably you are like this man, and if you doubt it, Ian Ford Nkera dissects the real Donald Trump.
Having too much money has its negative side effects. One huge side effect is Donald Trump, the billionaire property mogul and Republican presidential hopeful. He has taught us what exactly we should not be like when we have a lot of money. He is vain, arrogant, distasteful and anything bad you can possibly think of. He has built himself quite a reputation of not being the biggest fan of Mexicans, blacks and recently the Muslims. If he had his way, all these people would not set foot in the United State — ever. He is that intolerant.
We know some Ugandans like this who are high on power, status and wealth. Dude starts tasting some little money and all of a sudden he does not recognise Nakawuki, the kaweke girlfriend he had back in the village before he hit big. If you want to be like Donald Trump, here is your guide:

Say it as it is
If Donald Trump has something to say, he will say it anyway, regardless of who takes offence. Unfortunately, his choice of words have always made him public enemy number one but he will not lose sleep anytime soon about what anyone thinks of him. Whatever the guy says is controversial. He has attacked his own people, President Obama, immigrants and just about anyone.
Can you imagine he said he would ban Muslims from crossing into the US if he was voted president? Guy can be savage at times, so you do not want to catch him on a bad day for sure. If you want to talk as freely as Donald Trump, make sure you are accomplished enough to know your way around the system (jail). The problem is that guys will show you that they can say anything to their boys but when their chick drops the famous, “I missed my…….” line, they run so fast without uttering a single word. Cowards just.

Be extremely arrogant
Donald Trump is your White version of a rich Muhima man. You know how these guys act when they have money. They start throwing their weight around in their usual checkered shirts and speak with heavy sheee accents as if to show that they are the only ones around.
Donald Trump is not far different. Of course, without the checkered shirts. (But why do Bahima insist on this style, jeez!) Trump has admitted to having a dislike for ugly people, which explains why he used to own the Miss Universe franchise.
He is also not into shaking hands with anyone because he is not ready to catch germs from your filthy hands. Clean freak or self-conceited man? Your guess is as good as mine. If you want to be like Donald Trump, you cannot afford to be mixing with everyone. Be arrogant all you want but have some money in the bank first. A broke arrogant man is a painful sight.

Countless women issues
Donald Trump has admitted to loving the company of beautiful women so much that he has never been contented and is currently in his third marriage. Just like many Ugandan men who hit some big deals and go on rampage with just about any woman they lay their eyes on, Donald Trump has not been too different.
Dude has cheated on his wives countless times and was even accused of domestic violence by his first wife Ivana Trump.
If you want to be like Donald Trump, avail yourself as Mr Moneybags and you will invite a sea of women problems. They will certainly come and eat you alive. Funny thing is that even if a Ugandan does not have dime, he will show you that he can borrow to make all his women happy. Hmmmm, guys can really be funny.
There you go. Go ahead and be like Donald Trump.

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.

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